NBA 2015: The One Where No One Wanted To Play the Hornets

Free agency! How does it work?

I don't usually talk about Free Agency online. Because, usually everyone else has for me. I didn't feel like I needed to talk about you-know-who, nor did I feel the need to talk about who was gonna overpay for Carmelo Anthony's services. I wasn't particularly interested in Houston's future and I knew the Lakers were screwed either way. I was more than fine with being silent on the issue. Then, Friday June 11, 2014 comes around and I have to say something! What a fascinating turn of events we had. So many things happened! Not just with the heavy hitters, but with the building blocks as well. And now that all the dominoes have fallen I'll go down the row and discuss what I think of each move from a basketball standpoint and mentally prepare for what is sure to be an interesting, if not entertaining, 2015 season.

CLEVELAND CAVALIERS

I won't go on about you-know-who going you-know-where. From what I read of his essay it was a very personal decision and it was apparently going to be made at one point or another. Perhaps maybe a little earlier than some had forseen, but the writing was on the wall it seems. He was ready and I respect his choice. Just like any other choice he would have made. I've known the true character of this man all along and never doubted for a second. Be well, sir.

MIAMI HEAT

I will talk about his former team, however, because Miami is in an interesting position. After four straight Finals appearances and back-to-back titles they are in retooling mode. It's not a bad place, either. With the acquisition of Luol Deng, their line-up next year looks like this:

1. Mario Chalmers 2. Dwayne Wade 3. Luol Deng 4. Josh McRoberts 5. Chris Bosh

And with Danny Granger coming off the bench (and perhaps a look at Mike Scott from Atlanta) Miami could complete their current rotation of the Big Guys Who Can Shoot All-Stars. Continue to develop Norris Cole. Make sure to show Shabazz Napier the ropes. I don't know if Miami is a contender, but with most of their roster back they are every bit a playoff team.

HOUSTON ROCKETS

I'll hop to Houston next. Since that was where Bosh was thought to be going before The Decision came down. It could have been a good fit, too. Bosh gets to play Power Forward – his true position – and spread the floor with his improved perimeter shooting. Houston would have gotten one of the best off-the-ball players in the league today. Not to mention a battle-tested world champion and perhaps even someone to knock down shots when James Harden goes cold in the playoffs.

Now they don't get any of that. Oh, spoilers, they're not getting Carmelo either. Which sucks for them because one thing holds true in free agency no matter who is involved: if you aren't willing to shill out for your guy, there is someone, somewhere who just found his number on their list. Houston made a mistake early by burning their bridge with Jeremy Lin. Hijacking his number for a Photoshopped banner to lure The Melo Man to The Lonestar State. He didn't feel like moving but Jeremy Lin did, being traded to the Lakers not days after the initial controversy.

"Good thing we didn't telegraph that, right guys?"

They also went so far as to rub Chandler Parsons the wrong way by not offering what he felt was market value. This is tricky. Sure you could argue that maybe Parsons isn't worth $15 million or more, especially on a team where he's the third option at best. On the other hand, he single-handedly helped extend their First Round playoff series against the Portland Trailblazers that they were going to lose anyway. But whatever you believe, he's off to a team in Dallas that has a need for him and he has more value for. It's a cold world in Houston, though. Losing two of their young, talented players their immediate future sees them jobbing out to Portland. You know, seeing as how they still have no answer for LaMarcus Aldridge, one less answer for Nic Batum and even less answers for Damien Lillard. Have fun, Clutch City.

CHICAGO BULLS

We're in Texas and not too far away so let's swing it up to the Second City. Lots of questions for Chicago. Questions that include but aren't limited to:

Why didn't Melo sign?

Can they score?

Will D-Rose make it to December before disintegrating like Sandman?

Can Joakim make it to December without devouring the rookies?

Substitutions. How do they work?

    Jimmy Butler [Minutes Per Game]

I'm only halfway kidding with some of those. There is much uncertainty when it pertains to the Chicago Bulls. They had the worst offense in the NBA last season and lost badly to an upstart Washington Wizards team (who would have swept if they weren't such a terrible home team) in the first round of the playoffs. Nobody knows when Derrick Rose will return and to what capacity. The window is shrinking. Yes, even in this piss poor incarnation of the Eastern Conference. Why would any man - let alone a legit Top 10 player – take less money to have Coach Thibs run your knees into pixie dust unless you were 110% sure you would get a title?

I was not-so-secretly hoping the Bulls would give a kind “Screw You” to both of the big dogs on the table and just overpay for Lance Stephenson, who deserves a team who will appreciate his ear-blowing greatness. They didn't though, and instead settled for drafting Doug McDermott and saving-uh, I mean, signing Pau Gasol from the Lakers. The bigger question for me however, is Coach Tom Thibodeau himself. He must have felt he was coming into a favorable situation, and he was at the time. Now several years later and we must address the elephant in the room Bulls fans. What if Derrick Rose can never be Derrick Rose? How long does he stay, then? There is interest in the market for him. Rumors already have him going to Memphis at some point. Maybe it's for the best, though. Perhaps the Bulls could use a coach that won't rely on his backup Point Guard as Option No. 1.

LAKERS

BUCKS

JAZZ

NETS

76ERS

PISTONS

SUNS

DALLAS MAVERICKS

Okay, okay for real this time. Back to Texas where upside is the word of the day and no, for once we won't be talking about the Spurs. As was referenced above, the Rockets' loss is the Maverick's gain in Chandler Parsons to the tune of 3yr/$46mil. The Mavs get a young Small Forward with potential room to grow and a nice piece to help take some minutes away from Dirk who himself resigned to a 3-year deal. Don't sleep on the Mavericks next year, folks. On top of being one of the best teams to watch in the regular season they'll also be a tough out again in the playoffs. And it will be solely because of the sudden and shocking brilliance of Monta Ellis in the Point Guard role. We'll see how next year goes for them, but if I were one Mark Cuban, I'd think long and hard about keeping this kid on long term. Fast don't lie.

MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES

Let me take some time today to talk about the 'Wolves. At the time this piece is being written they hold a tremendous amount of power in this year's free agency because they have on their roster one considerably talented player. I speak of Kevin Love and, yes, I will admit to his talent but I won't be so quick to admit to his value. Allow me to explain. Mr. Love is the centerpiece of two proposed trades that his current team is looking to make. One of which would see him going to Golden State; the other shipping him off to Cleveland. Not terrible on the surface. Until you see what the pieces are.

Bird forbid that say any team doesn't need LeBron James but I'm gonna say it anyway. The Golden State Warriors do not need LeBron James. They can win a championship right now. When they're healthy, they have the best starting five in all of basketball. Period. All they really need is a deeper bench, which they'll have if they develop the guys they've already signed. So when I hear the top brass want to trade Klay Thompson and/or Harrison Barnes for Kevin Love, I think I might pass out. You have a better team than Cleveland right now despite the fact they have their Prodigal Son. If you already know you don't need the best player in the world, why would you blow that up to get a guy who is at best No. 3 at his position?

Same thing goes for the Cavs. They want to trade the No. 1 overall draft pick Andrew Wiggins? After three straight years of screwing up their draft pick they finally get one right and now they want to delete that with one signing? I get it, okay. Love is an upstart. And at 25 isn't even close to his prime yet. I like my big white guys who can shoot as much as the next [cc: Josh McRoberts] but however good you think he is, it's still not as good as Wiggins (who hasn't even played a damn game yet!) will be. I mean, look at this shit.

Man, this screenshot from 2K looks dope!

Granted, the athleticism might not always be there but the skills he learns as he goes along will more than make up for it. Even then, all he really needs is a consistent outside shot. Once he gets that, it's lights out. Don't you stand to gain more if you're Cleveland by having this kid learn from the best? You don't even need a Power Forward. You just signed Mike Miller! Miami's loss is your gain: two times over! Don't get greedy now.

All of that is assuming anything comes from these talks. As is typical of most free agencies it is more likely that nothing will come of it and Kevin Love will play one more half-assed year for the 'Wolves until he moves out West and they lose him to the Lakers for absolutely nothing. Poetic justice for the team that had two First Round draft picks and used them to pick two guards who both happened to be named Not Stephen Curry.

INDIANA PACERS

Oh you poor Pacers fans. I am so sorry. No Danny Granger, no Lance Stephenson; you guys don't even have Miami to pick on anymore. It was a collapse of massive proportions. Mostly because it happened in slow motion. From the end of February after the All-Star break to the end of the Conference Finals at the end of May, the Pacers were in free-fall. It was equal parts horrible and spectacular and it will be tough to pin down where it all started. Was Paul George not as good as we thought? Was Roy Hibbert as bad as Skip Bayless thought? Was the Pacers second unit worse than we all thought?

Whatever the reason(s), it's back to square one in Indy with one viable offensive threat [cc: David West] and no true Point Guard. The Evan Turner Experiment is over and Lance has moved on to a team who will pay and use him correctly. You know, probably. Which reminds me.

CHARLOTTE HORNETS

If you had told me this time last year that the Basketball Team from Charlotte would set themselves up to be the 5^th best team in the East...I might actually believe it after some coercing because it is the East but it would still take plenty of coercing. But after striking free agent gold last year with Center Al Jefferson and a breakout year for young Kemba Walker, the new-look Hornets are on the upswing. Add to that draft prospect Noah Vonleh and the newly acquired Lance Stephenson [3yrs/$9mil per] to start alongside Kemba in the backcourt; suddenly the Hornets have reclaimed their rightful place as that one team no one wants to play. A nasty surprise waiting for teams in the East this year.

NEW YORK KNICKS

Sigh. I don't have to talk about the Knicks do I? Do I?? Gah! Fine! But I'm doing it for you, America! The Knickerbockers were bad last year. Really, really bad. So bad I was forced to no-sell their games completely. Short of watching the Warriors play I refused to watch a Knicks game. There was no appeal to be found. You know, unless Hero Ball, poor guard play and lazy defense are your slice of cheese. Nevermind that Melo arguably had his best year as a pro, shooting nearly 40 percent from 3. Too bad no one noticed, as his teammates were too busy doing their best Washington Generals impression.

Ray Felton doing his best Ray Felton impresson.

The problem areas are numerous; one can't really pinpoint one particular place where everything went to crap. Perhaps the most pervasive problem was having a slash/create offense run by a guard who can neither slash or create.

But this is free agency and with one phone call even the Raymond Felton-sized anchor that held down Iman Shumpert last year can be lifted. And it was by way of a big six-man trade that saw Tyson Chandler and Felton both head to Dallas while the Knicks cash in on a bevy of guards: Jose Calderon, Wayne Ellington, and Shane Larkin. Not to mention the veteran big man Samuel Dalembert. With Carmelo reported as taking 5yrs/$124 mil from New York and Amare being off the books by next season at the latest there may be an outside outside chance the New York Basketball Knicks could attract some big time free agent like a Kevin Love or even a Russell Westbrook (the next MVP). Will they be better now? Could they be worse than they were?

MISC:

Really though, why all the fuss over Kevin Love? Why do this to yourselves? Just tank your final year, sign with Boston and put Bill Simmons out of his misery. Or, fly home to play for the Lakers and put Simmons out of his misery. Either way, really.

The one where the Hawks drafted Adreian Payne No. 15 and robbed the league blind.

With all the guys opting out this year, it was pretty cool to see Zach Randolph opt in to the Grizz. Great show of solidarity from your best player. Those fans deserve it. Now get some shooting.

Was disappointed in the Knicks head coach decision. Not because I don't like Derek Fisher, but because it confirmed my fears of Phil Jackson's thought process as President. All he had to do was get a guy who could coach. A leader of men who could be respected. Instead, he got a first-time coach to use as a hitch to run his own system because his first choice wanted to be a leader and not a lackey. They're even paying him the same $25 million that Steve Kerr is getting paid by Golden State. I'm not saying it's good or bad, but it rubs me the wrong way.

Why is Kendrick Perkins still on my TV screen?

Why is Scottie "Glasses Make Me Look Smarter" Brooks still a head coach?

I mean what I said about Russ. If he can manage to improve his outside shooting, coupled with his athleticism? There will be no one in the game that can stop him.

The Celtics drafted Marcus Smart. So when Rajon Rondo gets traded, the trending theme of poectic justice says it has to be either Miami or Brooklyn.

Shout-out to the Cavs for helping out the Nets even though they really didn't have to. Rest assured, they need Jarrett Jack more than you do right now. Oh, one more thing. Lance and I have a great idea for how you can welcome your boy back in style.

A Survivor Reborn - Review: Tomb Raider (2013)

There's no need to draw any extra attention to this fact. Reboots are abound. Whether it's a TV show, a movie franchise, a video game – even entire comic book brands – if it's been made in the last two years chances are it was a remake. Or a reboot. Or a re-imagining. Or a “spiritual companion.” It's not a new trend. Most thematic elements are borrowed from another source, but even then people tend to catch on to when it becomes egregious. Myself? I prefer when people can come up with something fresh so I am selective about which reboots I decide to invest in. There were two in particular that had me excited in the year of 2012. The first being the TV return of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The second being the subject of this piece. The re-imagining and rebirth of the Tomb Raider herself – Lara Croft.

I missed the boat on the original Tomb Raider. I can't exactly say it was before my time as many of the Tomb Raider games came out around or after the time that I started playing video games. I was a bit young to fully grasp what the game was all about – the treasure hunting, puzzle solving, and ancient curses – so I didn't experience it first-hand. Instead, I watched for hours as my uncle made his way through level after level of platforms and frustration and dinosaurs. There are no dinosaurs in this version, but there is plenty of the other stuff.

After a certain number of years, it became clear that perhaps Lady Croft was starting to lose her luster. There had been about four games and two movies by this point: not counting the Anniversary remake and subsequent trilogy. The franchise was 25 years old and more importantly, video games were changing. They were becoming more character-driven, story-intensive experiences. Fully interactive and engaging. In a world where Nathan Drake and GLADOS exist, there is no room for Lara as we knew her. Let Phase 2 begin.

This is a reboot. That means a complete franchise overhaul. New story; new characters; new Lara. This was perhaps the most radical change of all. What we have here is an origin story. Lara doesn't start off as a gun-toting, globetrotting woman of power. Having just graduated university, she is a young, fresh-faced rookie of archaeology who, following in her late father's footsteps, is embarking on her first adventure as she calls it. She is innocent in the beginning. And as a child of wealth and privilege she seeks to separate herself from her typecast and prove her worth and find out just what kind of Croft she is.

The game opens up on board the trading ship Endurance. Lara is on her way towards the perilous Dragon's Triangle to help investigate tale of an ancient civilization, long since gone missing off the mainland of Japan. It is unclear whether they will find anything of substance on this journey until a terrible storm upends them, splitting the ship in two and leaving the ship's crew stranded on the uncharted island of Yamatai. You must now explore the island and uncover its secrets if you are ever to see civilization again. The main objective: simply survive.

This is an M-Rated game. And that's a significant note because as far as gritty reboots go, this is certainly one of the more severe. The engine gives you button-prompts to master, jumps to clear, puzzles to solve and more often than not the price for silly mistakes is hefty. This grittiness is effective, but can also be a hindrance. On one hand, it gives Lara character. That is, in addition to the new character design she also has motivation that makes her more believable as a heroine. On the other hand, there is a certain disconnect that comes with such ruggedness. The jump from innocent Lara

to “Survivor” Lara 

will seem very quick for some. The bumps and bruises seem to escalate in an exponential fashion. This has a lot to do with the medium. Video games by trade are less intensive on such logistics because the gameplay takes priority. As the series progresses, it will be interesting to see how that grit is handled once Lara does less surviving and more exploring.

There is a new combat system as well. Upgradable and customizable: you can create new weapons with the salvage you find on the island. The new melee attack system lets you deal with enemies in close-quarters and avoid danger by scrambling on the ground. This along with the climbing mechanics are perhaps the best part of the update and are both key to making it through in one piece.

And what of Lara? As referenced, it was a complete facelift. This was no half-hearted reboot. Lara's face, her demeanor, even her voice has changed completely. Her body's proportions are no longer as extreme. You can still tell she's a woman; can still tell she's strong, but there's no better way to make your leading lady relatable than to make her look human. It's really an incredible design. Too many developers go into an update not wanting to do any updating. They want to create their own vision, but they want to coast on the former version's glory. In most cases you can't have both. Going the route of making your own way is much braver and as history has shown us much more successful in the long run.

For example:

I'm actually really excited for the future in this case. There is so much potential in this new world. So many places Lara could go. This is a great origin story because of that. As a player, I find myself looking forward eagerly to the next game. And it's been a very long time since I've felt that way. I want to see where Lara's adventures take her next and more importantly I'm eager to follow the growth of her character. I missed the wagon of the original Tomb Raider and this is a Lara Croft I can get behind.

If there are any problems I had it'd have to go back to the grittiness. It works against the game sometimes. For the second game, I think I might scale back a bit. Take Assassin's Creed. An M-rated game, very bloody and extremely violent but not in a way that could suspend too much disbelief. And speaking of which, despite the numerous innovations, Crystal Dynamics didn't exactly reinvent the wheel in every way. The game follows a tried and true coming-of-age arc complete with a group of stock friends

But I like this game more than I don't. And the upsides are just so numerous; replayability being an example. It's doubtful you'll be able to explore every nook of Yamatai in one go. It's a big island and there are many cliffs to climb, secrets to find and yes, tombs to raid. That alone is worth a closer look for any fan, old or new.

4 Stars out of 5

Rap Game Pablo Picasso: Yeezus the Album in Retrospect

 Needless to say I've tried to write this review many times over. In one case, I didn't like what I came up with. In another, my computer lost everything I had written up that had been even halfway decent. And so I'll give this one more go, because this is the kind of attention that one Kanye West has come to warrant. In his music and elsewhere. And so I'll examine this piece of work in a bit of a different way. Which shouldn't be too hard because my music reviews still don't have much of set structure and I'm still not the best. I'm still gonna try though. That's what I do.

This might get complicated and you probably won't know how I feel about this cut until the end of this piece because, frankly, this album is complicated. It was produced primarily in Paris under the watchful robot eyes of French house duo Daft Punk and released with little fanfare or promotion. And with only ten tracks I considered doing a track by track breakdown. But I decided against it. For one, I'd like to not overstay my welcome. And secondly, it would make this review unpleasant to write. With each subsequent listen of the album I keep finding myself going back to the same 4 songs or so. So instead, I'll focus on the qualities I enjoyed, criticize the things I didn't care for and further break down the tracks that really “got me goin'!” [sic]

New Slaves is a really dynamic piece. Not my favorite cut but by my money it's the best. Reason being: we see Kanye at his best lyrically. We know what the expectations should be for the beats and I'll get into that later, but his lyricism has always been a hit or miss. In many cases, you say, “Well, Kanye, that was pretty slick.” But in others you very well may say,

"Well, Kanye, that uh...that was something."

This song was more the former, if that makes sense. The man talks of race and he talks of class. He talks of fame and the status it brings. We get a look into his inner-self when he says, “I throw these Maybach keys/I wear my heart on the sleeve. I know that we the new slaves/I see the blood on the leaves.” (A whole lot packed into that line there.) He also talks of how true bias never really quite goes away. “[That] broke nigga racism/that's that don't touch anything in the store. But see that rich nigga racism/that's that come in please buy more.” There are several other cool little one-liners like that sprinkled throughout. And then the refrain: “There's leaders and there's followers. But I'd rather be a dick than a swallower.” Aw, man, really? I mean, sure, fine but damn. Kinda killed the moment there, buddy.

Probably the most aggressive song is "Black Skinhead." One would hope with a title like that. The word flow is fast and furious to accompany the pounding steel and percussion of the track. It sets the tone, really. “Black Skinhead” is mostly used to describe himself it seems. In a celebratory way, no less. A clever call-back to wearing his “by any means” clothing as well as a line about hunting “King Kong” as it were. As if he's living to see himself become the villain in an ironic Kanye type of way. Ironic because Kanye in public isn't trying to be a “menace”. He sees himself as a menace through the eyes of his critics. Just as he sees himself as a god through the eyes of his peers.

[SEGUE]

I Am a God. That's right. Kanye West is calling himself a god amongst men. Kanye? Kratos? That little wanker Percy Jackson? All one degree of separation away. Go on. Get mad. Get angry. Be outraged. You know you want to. That's the point. Like the Lance Stephenson of the rap game, he works himself up by working you over. “Yes, He is the Most High/But I am a Close High” Damn it all, right? But cool yourself. This is all part of what I call The Kanye Conundrum. It's a part of his brilliance and his hindrance, ultimately. The fact that a person could have such an ego but have such low self-esteem simultaneously. It's not necessarily his fault. That's just how it is. This is the guy who once sang romantically about sending dick pics to a woman and in the same breath told said "bitch" to Runaway from him. The man entitled this album “Yeezus”. If you can't see the bitter cruel irony in that fact alone this cut might not be for you anyway.

Verily and thus, we've made it to my favorite stretch of tape, here. The three songs on Yeezus I like best and the ones I visit most often on my subsequent listens. These tracks are what make the LP great for me. But they're also what stops me from outright loving it. From what I’ve read, they also happen to be the three songs most fans like the least. Because of course they are.

On my first listen of I'm In It, there were many theories that came to mind. Was it a subversive diss track? A not-so cryptic diss track? Was it a message? Was it a club-banger? Is about Kim? Is it an answer to Ray-J's record I Hit it First? (I really hope that's what it is.) Kidding aside, I like this one. The song has elements (heavy bass, reggae hype man, ominous keys) of “Mercy”, another Kanye hit. Something about the dark undertones struck a cord in the same way. Not many times that a song sounds as threatening as this and gets you amped at the same time. But then classic Kanye: coming in at the last second to gank your cheese. “Swag-hili?” Really? Regardless of whether or not it was ironic, a grown-ass man wrote these words down and recited them into a microphone. [It won't be the last time, either.]

There's nothing I can say about “Blood on the Leaves”. Absolutely nothing. And how appropriate at a time when history begins to look just a bit more fondly on 808's and Heartbreaks (if not for its quality then for its uniqueness) how bittersweet is it to see an example of what could've been? Using a brilliant sample from the Nina Simone cover of the Billie Holiday classic, “Strange Fruit” we see Mr. West weave a tragic tale of love and loss and fame and excess and overall douchebaggery. I saw a comment on YouTube that surprisingly! Summed things up nicely. In response to a question of the song's meaning:
The first verse is about a relationship that didn't work out because she didn't wait for him to make it. The second verse is after he made it but then the girl went public and it destroyed the relationship. The third is about a man who is married but has a girl on the side, but the girl gets pregnant and he gets a divorce because of it. It's obvious. He's rapping about rims, nigga!

Couldn't have said better, really. So I won't try. All props to Kanye here. Using his best skill: his producing. His ability to make music that sticks. The creativity and outright boldness to mix a sample and subject matter that, at times, clash so heavily. Using auto-tune as a tool and not a crutch. Good stuff.

I love Guilt Trip most of all, and just as well it hits close to home. Another crooning auto-tune ballad about a love that could not be. Surprising, I know but hear me out, because this is the part where KD gets personal.

In my solitary year of post-secondary education there was much left to be desired. A fitting quote comes to mind. If you want to learn, go to the library. If you want to get laid, go to college. This is not indicative of every situation but as I noted way back in this blog's first post moving away to go to school was nothing short of escape. But it's pretty hard to run from who you are and soon I needed an escape from my escape. I attempted said escape with this daily question: Did Kyle bust one off today? If the answer was 'YES' I could gladly call it a day and the world could gladly piss off. If the answer was 'NO' then I had to quickly figure out how to accomplish this task so as not to cut into any brooding time the next day. This was not fun.

Emotionally, I was tired. Mentally, I was depressed. Soon, I became physically ill. It was so bad one night that I left my room walked into the night and somehow found myself on the goddamn business loop miles away from campus. Fugg. That's not rock bottom but it's close enough. I say that to say this.

When this song hit, it hits pretty deep. And maybe that's why I like it more than most. Yet, hearing Kanye go on in this song and really try and sing through the issue seems like the tune that would net Yeezus a hit later down the road. Couple that with the melancholy chiptune in the background and this track is haunting in a way that human relationships sometimes are for me. I became a slave to my own physiology. It was easier not to think or feel. More convenient to run. Soon enough, though, you find yourself on the wrong side of a drainage ditch with no clear way across. We all have our ways of dealing with certain issues. That's why whenever these certain, pesky feelings rear their ugly head and I feel like lamenting for a bit, instead of feeling sorry for myself I'm more than happy to have Kanye West do it for me. And for that, sir, I thank you.

[I'm still high on Kid Cudi, for the record. Guy still cuts some of the smoothest hooks and refrains in my opinion.]

[B-SIDES]

I know, not as good as “SEQUE” but frankly this might very well be the most un-inspired part of the review, because I will now be talking about the most un-inspired tracks on the album.

“On Sight” was decent enough as an opener and I wouldn't even call it bad. Just unremarkable by my estimation. Others might contend. I won't budge on “Hold My Liquor” though. Chief Keef is terrible and so is this song. Yes, I respect Kanye's artistic vision and it's that very respect that makes me feel the way I do. I expect more. Both musically and lyrically. Yes, this was a concept album and was meant to be abstract and guttural. Sure, Kanye West's lyricism can range anywhere from graduate thesis to 5^th grade essay on any given track but, shit, man at least try? “I just talked to Jesus/He said, 'What up, Yeezus?' ” Gah! If Jesus is taking time off to talk to “Yeezus” there's more than one pertinent question I need the answer to. There's a difference between being inspired by the industrial sound and house music familiar to the region of France in which you stay and simply making noise. It's the very conclusion I came to after listening to “Send It Up.” I thought I would like this song. I probably should have liked this song. But even after several listens, I didn't hear anything bad or good, just more noise. Such is Yeezus.

Quick History Lesson:

Who remembers Universal Mind Control? Don't think too hard. Like Yeezus, it was produced as an experimental dive into the industrial end of rap's gene pool. If that's not enough, it was authored by another Chicago wordsmith, Common. But here's what really caught my attention as I was halfway done with writing this. Universal Mind Control at the time it was released was billed as the future of hip-hop.

Pharrell on the title track. Lest we forget.

All these years later – knowing what I now know about music and life, hearing an album that is at least in sound almost identical – I must take a half-step back in awe. I won't necessarily say Common did it better, but he definitely did it first. Maybe he knew something we didn't. Maybe he saw the Blood on the Leaves, too.

I stop myself there, because that's where the comparison ends. Both of these works of art were created for entirely different reasons. Common was inspired by the club scenes and house parties that he attended during his travels through summertime France. Kanye stayed in France to make this music and exercise his demons. He admitted this much on the “I'm In It” track. Certainly something I can understand; old habits don't go quietly. It's part of the reason this write-up is a year in the making. Mostly, though, it's because this album – not unlike the man who wrote it – is pretty complex.

Look at how this album was made: 2-3 months in some dude's basement, songs written in some cases in the space of 15 minutes, almost no time spent in post. When Rick Rubin was called in to do the mastering and declared that the disc was still a few months from being ready Kanye wanted to strip it down even more! Who knows if it would even be listenable? Compare that to the all out media blitz of Jay-Z's Magna Carta Holy Grail. A disc also produced by Rubin that must have cost at least 10 times as much. Do you think Kanye wanted this? How did you first listen to Yeezus? Was it the leak? You think that was legit? You really think Kanye wanted to sell this shit? Look at the GD album cover!

There were guys in Chicago selling this out of their cars not knowing it was exactly what Target was selling the next Tuesday. This was less of a business venture and more of a therapy session in my eyes. Like some Tumblr user had “like, the Worst Day Ever!” and just did a Slam on everything that bothered him.

You think he cared about getting a hit or radio play? Obviously, he was going to get one or the other no matter what. He's earned that clout from years of doing what he does. But it's so curious to see how a hip-hop artist that goes out of his way to innovate with every new piece of work get lambasted so often by the urban community. Why doesn't hip-hop culture like Kanye like they used to? Is it as simple as resisting change? Maybe. Do they resent the fact that he has become the white college kids' favorite rapper; that hipsters regard Yeezus above even Twisted Fantasy as Kanye West's magnum opus? It would explain a lot of the shade Drake gets thrown at him, but the vast majority of hip-hop's paying demographic is suburban white kids and it's been that way for more the 20 years now so why get mad now? Could it be that they just don't like his newer stuff? Ehhhhh...could be?

This may be tough to hear for some, but while critics across the board are still fapping to this album as we speak one year later there were some fans, some listeners, some common folk who *gasp* didn't love this album. That's okay. It's all in taste and it's a really tough album to swallow for some. Even my friend who loves this cut can't listen to too much of it in one sitting. That doesn't make it bad. It doesn't make it great, either. I struggled to think of a movie that was praised universally by critics that fans were split on. I'm sure it will come to me after I publish this.

For the record, I like Yeezus. I don't love it; I don't feel like I'm required to. Not anymore. It has four great songs, four decent songs, and two songs that are shit mostly. That doesn't make Kanye a bad artist, nor does that make Yeezus a bad album. At its core, it was dark and brooding and brutal for much of the run time. And yet it also had its moments of levity and laughter and hope. Flashes of the “old Kanye” many of you grew up with that you still clamor for today. If not great, Yeezus is at least memorable because of that.

I don't feel like Kanye loved this record. Look at his life in the last year. Mega-tours with Jay-Z. Punching out paparazzi. Anger management courses. Having a daughter. Marrying a Kardashian. Shit just got real for him in ways it hasn't been, really, since his mother passed away. Think about how most men would deal with entering this phase. Welcoming a new life, parting ways with another and beginning a new one with another human being. Well, however you would deal with it, Kanye isn’t most men. He's dealing with all of that, and as one Travis Touchdown would say, people have different ways of dealing with their grief. “Some people fuck at funerals.” Kanye West makes music. I, if no one else, can understand that.

Perhaps my friend the Lunchbox Kid said it best when he compared Yeezus to Pink Floyd's Meddle in relation to their respective discographies. “It's not Dark Side of the Moon, but it's in the discography and it's there. And that's all you can really say about it.” So maybe Kanye's perfectionism works against him sometimes. Maybe My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy was so good – and maybe Watch the Throne was so (so) good – that maybe Ye built up some unwanted expectations for this barely-announced LP with zero (0) press. I feel like history will look back on this as divisively as it did at the start, if not more so. Some will love it, others won't, and that's okay. It pays to be the best; it also pays to say you are the best.

And maybe you could accuse Kanye of making albums out of spite or anger and sure, you could accuse him of being unprepared. But unlike Jay and numerous other big names in this industry, you can never accuse Kanye West of making music out of fear.

What's that? You say I'm forgetting something? Hmm... Ah, yes.

[BOUND 2]

Copyright 2014 by KD Gardner

Paradise Lost - Review: The Great Gatsby (2013)

I was in high school once - hard as that is to imagine - and while I was there, much reading was done. I take some of it with a grain of salt but still consider most of it worthwhile. And while there were some books like The Scarlet Letter that made me want to stop reading all together, there were others like The Great Gatsby that remind me why I didn't stop. It was the first instance in which I fell in love with the story before anything else. It's a story about love. And the beautiful, twisted, dark things we do to try and protect it. It's regarded today as the Great American Novel.

Which is why news of a movie didn't surprise me. Since F. Scott Fitzgerald published the book in 1925 there have been several adaptations of what was once described as a critique of the author's generation. One that lived in the Roaring Twenties where the money was plentiful and the booze flowed illegally freely. A time where people were less concerned about contributing to society as opposed to life's endless party. A party personified by the man known simply as Gatsby.

This movie opens with Nick Carraway (Tobey Maguire) recounting the experiences of his summer spent in West Egg, a village just outside of New York City. Nick is a bond salesman looking to make his fortune via the economic prosperity of Wall Street. He's rented himself a small cottage on Long Island and on his first day travels across the bay to pay a visit to his cousin, Daisy Buchanan (Carey Mulligan) and her husband Tom (Joel Edgerton), a mate from his days at Yale. But looking through the trees he catches sight of his neighbor's property. A huge fortress of an estate that belongs to Gatsby.

The rest of the original story centers around the mystique of Gatsby and the unraveling of his mystery. In the movie's opening act, they build up this mystery by word of mouth. You hear several of the attendees at one of his famous parties speak in passing of his triumphs as a war hero, his success as a business man, his romps as an adventurer. All of this until we are finally introduced to the titular character himself: one Jay Gatsby (Leonardo DiCaprio).

This story is one that means a great many things to a great many people - myself included. One for those who prefer their storytelling to have a slow burn. Two words that don't immediately come to mind when you think of Baz Luhrman, who directed this film. This is the director of Moulin Rouge: a loud, sweeping musical with a boisterous soundtrack and bright set pieces. Which is great when it comes time for the parties, but perhaps not for the quieter moments of the film, which, based upon the story probably should have been most of it.

Baz was an interesting choice to direct this. I didn't see the 3D version but I could tell in certain shots (especially in the Manhattan set pieces) that a lot was done to make things pop. Particularly the color palette, which was over-loaded to Kick-Ass comic book levels of saturation. This works in some scenes, but it others it all just seemed a bit too bright for Gatsby. Now assuming you've at least heard of this story then you know where it leads and you know how it ends. We'll get into that later. But first a word on the characters and their relationships.

Nick meets Gatsby by way of invitation. An invitation to one of his weekend-long summer parties. An invitation that no one else has ever received. And when we first see DiCaprio as Gatsby, "with a smile that could make you believe in yourself as much as he believed in you" the potential that this movie had became evident. Gatsby represents "new money". A changing of the guard in the flapper's era. It was important that we saw a gentleman that exudes class yet still youthful enough to relate to anyone around him. Despite him not being the best host, Old Sport. But Gatsby wants to meet Nick because Daisy just happens to be the love of his life and she just happens to live on the other side of the bay and happens to be related and really, this can only end well.

In the movie, the Gatsby/Daisy/Tom drama is played up quite a bit, here. For some, this may fancy your jib and I'm not gonna hate because of that. For me, I prefer the slow burn. There are so many things in the book that we have to infer on our own behalf. It's assumed that Daisy and Gatsby are probably having some measure of secret rendezvous. We don't need newspaper clippings or headlines telling us as much. We also don't need Nick hanging around like the biggest third wheel ever. When Jay and Daisy are having their moments together, it just seems like he can do nothing but wander aimlessly throughout the mansion, dangling awkwardly in the shot. Not by fault of Tobey Maguire; they didn't know where to put him. Or Jordan Baker (Isla Fisher) for that matter. You never got the sense that those two were dating (which, they were) just flirting - kinda.

And then there's Tom: the weakest of the main cast in more ways than one. His character is a Yale man. Tall and strapping with shoulders as wide as his trophy case, but we don't get a clear sense of that strength or confidence other than an early scene where he's on a horse for a few seconds. So when we come to the point where both his wife and his mistress are slipping through his fingers there is little else he can do than bring a "Gatsby is a lying meanie-head" defense to the table. And in the penultimate confrontation in the Manhattan suite between the two men, Gatsby is the one ready to blow his stack, when it should probably be the other way around.

Sure, Tom in the book was a bit of a dick at the end of the day, but he was still intelligent and a gentleman. Here, he's too much of a meathead for any of his revelations about Gatsby's sudden wealth to be believable and when Jay tells Daisy to say she never loved her husband, you wrongly think "Yes! Tell him!" Tom is a dead-from-the-neck-up bully who abuses women and those less fortunate. What reason does she have to stay?

It all seemed very forced. Not unlike Nick Carraway himself. Here's a question: why was Nick so upset about Gatsby? OK, real quick. Spoiler alert: J. Gatsby dies. But you probably knew that, as I did. What I don't know is what drives Nick to commit himself to a ward and recount this tale. Sure, the Nick of the novel was upset with Gatsby's death but he moved back to the Midwest because of his disillusionment with the East Coast way of life. He was trying to clear his head, not cleanse his soul. Plus, he and Gatsby were more so associates than friends, so it's weird to think he would mourn him the way he did here. I think a Ryan Gosling would have been good in this role. Someone who can brood effectively without telegraphing too heavily.

But here's where I pull an Amazing Spider-Man on you again. I didn't hate this movie.
Maybe because it's not the worst thing out there. Probably because my expectations weren't lofty to begin with. It's an average movie elevated by above-average performances. Almost everyone in here was casted very well. Even if they weren't written that way. Even Tobey Maguire wasn't a bad pick in hindsight. I even thought that going further into Gatsby's past as James Gatz and his history with Daisy was a really good choice. My biggest regret is that this movie could have been so much more than it ended up being and now we'll probably never know, because I can't imagine anyone pulling off Gatsby the way Leo did here.

My theory is this: the day that someone decides to make a Gatsby period piece, is the day that we get a good adaptation. Consider briefly what makes Boardwalk Empire or Midnight in Paris as good as they are. One a TV show, another a movie; both able to capture the essence of whatever era they visit. The setting, the people, the food, the clothes, the music. You can put whatever song you want to on the soundtrack, but when you're composing the score you should be more mindful of what goes where. After the first couple of swing jazz/hip-hop mash-ups, it goes from cute and passable to forced and messy. Not to blame them for trying. It was a really good try. The execution could have been better.

Maybe I'm wrong about all of that, though. A look back into history shows us both the mixed reviews of the novel's original run and the sheer number of adaptations of it. This is a particularly tricky narrative to get a beat on and perhaps we never will. Either way, releasing this film in the summer was a mistake to begin with. Summer time movie goers want to see sweeping tales of heroism and cunning. Jay Gatsby is definitely cunning, but he's no hero.

Despite all of these things, however, I know one to be certain:

The Lizard still looks like shit.

3 Stars out of 5

Run, Kaiju, Run - Review: Pacific Rim

 This review will be just a bit different. Seeing as there isn't very much to discuss as far as preliminaries. It's Giant Sea Monsters vs. Giant Fuggin' Robots: The Movie. Either you're in or you're out. If you're in, feel free to continue. Otherwise, continue your trolling in peace.

Pacific Rim is the latest action/sci-fi vehicle from director Guillermo Del Toro which features gigantic humanoid fighting robots and their struggle against the invading alien race which seeks to take over the planet Earth. Now, I don't ordinarily set up a movie in such a clear-cut synopsis-type way but it seemed that I should for this movie considering that so many people seemed to not know what it was about. Early reports saw that the movie was tracking well behind competition, including the Adam Sandler comedy Grown Ups 2. Make what you will of that situation, it's another subject for another time. I bring it up to make this statement: whatever you may think of Pacific Rim after you see it, it can't be denied that it will have fans split.

Chances are as word-of-mouth spread you may have heard comparisons of this movie to different anime features like Evangelion or Attack on Titan. A fair comparison as this is certainly a genre film. With its various set pieces and tropes, even down to its characters, it feels like a live-action cartoon. Whether or not you can enjoy that in-context may determine how you feel about this film. But whether or not you can get down with that doesn't take away from what this movie really has going for it. Which, as you could tell from the banner above, is size. This movie is huge. [So huge I almost considered using all caps there. But I'm not about that life.] Both the Kaiju and the robots – or “Jaegers” as they're called here – look incredibly massive. And unlike Michael Bay's Transformers who look like they're six feet tall and made of cardboard, these machines carry their weight. They feel as massive as they look. Each punch thrown; every step taken is a heavy task.

As one would imagine, a machine that large couldn't be handled by one person alone. The mental and physical burden is one that must be shared which is why two pilots who are “drift compatible” are chosen to co-pilot their machine. Once inside the drift, you see the other person's thoughts, experience their memories, feel their pain. This leads to some interesting - albeit brief – development. Brief being key with characters that do indeed hit every note you'd think they would. Even casual movie-goers should be able to spot them: the hero, the love interest, the grizzled veteran, the fiery young upstart, that one guy who's gonna die, the quirky nerd, the quirky Brit, that other guy who's gonna die, those guys over there who are probably gonna die, and the fuzzy canine companion.

That's not to say the acting was unwatchable. It was passable for a movie designed to be a live-action cartoon epic. Idris Elba – perhaps the best actor cast, who has a great record for giving above average performances in semi-decent movies – does well to keep things moving when there aren't any Kaiju to slice up. He is one of several characters who helps explain the science of the situation in a very wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey kind of way. How will you react to the inter-dimensional portal at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean? That's up to you.

If you do see this movie, do your best to catch a screening at your nearest IMAX theater. This movie was built with IMAX in mind. And make no mistake, the enhanced experience may very well have swayed my final verdict of Pacific Rim. Scenes like the showdown in Hong Kong City or the drift memory of the barren streets of Tokyo post-Kaiju just wouldn't have been as effective without the crisp picture or earth-shattering sound that IMAX brings to the table.

So then how to score this flick? There's no doubt it's entertaining. And there's no doubt that it is quite silly, as well. There's no doubt that many characters leave a lot to be desired but you also have to note that they mostly serve their purpose in the context of this particular monster movie. Does one grade it on its merits alone, docking points in the portions it deserves? Or do you give it just due for wearing it's Jaeger heart on its sleeve?

I've found that is the best way to judge the movie and I, for one, will choose the latter. Who knows? Maybe my opinion will change once -if- I see it again in a home theater setting. Maybe it will be one of those films I don't wander near again for some time. But as I left the theater on that day, I felt that my money, and the semi-lengthy drive to the nearest IMAX, was not spent in vain. It was an incredibly visceral experience that assaulted my senses and for that, I'll give Mr. Del Toro a tip of my cap. Not many people get to make a passion project such as this. And while it wasn't a magnum opus of any sort, it was still a solid film.

Oh yea, and you can take it or leave it with the 3D.

4 Stars out of 5

KD's Righteous Summer

Or What KD Should've Written This Summer

Seriously, that last post was last November and I hardly know what month we're in now. The first part of 2013 saw me working nearly everyday. It's a nice gig, and a lot of fun most days, but any time that could have been spent writing was spent resting instead. When the summer time came - along with my off-season - and I was able to do more things of such nature my time was spent traveling, hanging out, seeing sights and taking in views.

Hence, the title, you see. It really was a pretty cool summer. Even temperature-wise, it was mild this year. Other than the obligatory heat wave near mid-July. But how pleasant of Mother Nature to then give us the chance to live in San Diego for the first half of August? Really. It was appreciated.

And speaking of appreciation, how about you guys out there in the vastness of Teh Internetz? I curiously looked through the stats of the page since I last visited some months ago. Almost 200 hits this summer alone. Which, I'm sure doesn't sound like much but take into account these two facts: 1) This is a little start-up blog by some punk-ass kid from Missouri with no real theme or direction. 2) I didn't post anything all Summer. That's some pretty good stuff. And upon seeing this, I'm all the more sure of the direction I'm about to take.

It's been a good year so far, and I've been getting better but I'd like to take that just another step further. So, in the interest of stepping up my game, I'll also be stepping up my platform and taking The Bay with it. No decisions yet on where the next HQ will be; many logistics to be worked out still. But the plan is already in motion because, frankly, my presentation needs some work. In addition, there are also plans for a KD the Ghostwriter website. Featuring yours truly and hopefully being an adequate platform for the stories, pictures, audio and perhaps even video(?) that would follow.

Until then, you can follow my newly revamped Tumblr page found here. It's used as most Tumblr pages would, I suppose. The usual reblogging of cool photos and clips along with the occasional reposting of links to projects of my own accord or some other mathematical individual.

But don't think I'm done with this page just yet. No sir. I began establishing my online presence by writing reviews. Mostly to movies I saw but also games and shows and more recently albums. And to pay homage both to my "roots" so to speak and to make up for lost time here at the Bad Wolf Bay, here is the plan.

Over the next few days, I will go down the rest of my queue and complete every piece that hasn't already been finished as well as punch-up the ones that have. This will include reviews/breakdowns of:

Pacific Rim


The Great Gatsby


Star Trek: Into Darkness


 Fast 6


Assassin's Creed III


Tomb Raider (2013)


Sly Cooper: Thieves in Time


Get Jiro


 Random Access Memories


Yeezus


The Wolverine


 Shingeki no Kyojin [Attack on Titan]


 The World's End

Is that all? Who knows? I've probably seen more but that list right there should keep me busy enough. My aim is to make this a sort of literary adventure by posting each piece in a semi-thematic order. Not unlike the pub crawl found in the last item on this list, The World's End.

I'll do my best to get this out in a timely manner. As well as come correct with my future plans as well. It's all about improvement people. Thanks for your time, today and down the road. I hope you join me when I make the jump because I'm not gonna miss editing on Blogger at all.

~KDG

The Old-Fashioned Way - Review: Skyfall

This wasn't a Lethal Weapon movie. And Danny Glover was nowhere to be found. But that didn't stop anyone from hinting to 007 that he just might be getting too old for this shit.

Yes indeed, it’s time for the latest in a long line of adventures for the world’s most famous spy, James Bond, just in time for the 50th anniversary. And having that in mind, it just might make sense in a full circle kind of way as to why this particular film turned out the way it did.

This movie starts as many would. With a mission-in-progress. James Bond and his partner are on the trail of a mercenary with invaluable information. He has stolen a storage device on which are the names and identities of every MI6 agent currently undercover in multi-national terrorist organizations. His job, of course, is to retrieve it and eliminate the target. As the chase reaches its apex, Bond is downed by friendly fire and the man escapes with his priceless cargo. Bond goes M.I.A., believed by most to be dead, until news of the attack on MI6 in London prompts him to return. His objective to now recover the list more critical as top secret information is revealed to the world.

One thing this film had plenty of was questions. There were questions of authority. Questions of trust. As my opening line suggests, there were many questions of the endurance of Bond and even the practicality of secret agents working as he does. This, along with the massive leak of classified information, leads to the question of the efficiency of MI6’s brand of espionage. “Validation” seemed to be key.

I must say that I've really only had a passing interest in the Bond franchise overall. There are certain films I like more than others; certain portrayals I like more than others. But this iteration of the James Bond character (taken up again by Daniel Craig) has perhaps had me the most intrigued. Even as one whose knowledge of the books and universe overall is limited to say the least. Expectations weren't exactly lofty but they weren't non-existent, either. So as the name of this review alludes to, Bond went back to basics.

007 was ruthless when he needed to be, heroic when he wanted to be, and wasn't afraid to get sentimental, either. On this, the third installment of this era of films, it does seem like they've gotten closer to the mixed bag of tricks we were initially looking for. Giving hints and nods to the many quirks and ticks that make Bond, well, Bond but were also quick to point out that crazy gadgets like “exploding pens” aren't really their style. But that doesn't stop the Bond-villain archetype from making an appearance. Javier Bardem turns in an infectious performance as Silva, a former MI6 agent with revenge on his mind who is as charismatic as he is dangerous.

It’s the 50th Anniversary of the James Bond movie franchise and the folks who made this film are all too aware of this fact. Clever callbacks and references are abound including a cameo by one very famous car. Fans of Bond will have no reason not to like Skyfall; casual observers may just be surprised by how things turn out. Even I must say that this is the best Bond we've seen in some time. It succeeds not only because it’s a solid piece of film, but also because it’s not afraid to revisit the roots of 007. The new direction is clear and the team moves bravely forward but they do afford themselves a fond look back. It’ll be interesting to see where things go, but it should work out as long as they remember that sometimes it’s just better to do it the old-fashioned way.

~KDG