Was It Real, Tho? | [Spoiler] Review - Blade Runner 2049

Several years ago, I pen palled with a woman from Chicago. She’s very bright and we had many a conversation about a wide range of things. She moved and we lost touch but I can only imagine her rolling her eyes at the fact of me seeing this movie three times. She might even be right to do so, but I unapologetically love this movie.

In-between those viewings, I have read other pieces that have given me new things to think about – things that warranted a revisit to the id-driven cyberpunk futurescape of California in the year 2049, where the richest of society is living in space colonies off-world, leaving everyone else to scrape by a meager living on an overpopulated, environmentally toxic Planet Earth.

It took me awhile to figure how to tackle it. Even myself and Lunchbox together had trouble. It's a massive, dense story. There’s gender politics and class politics and, quite frankly, a really confusing hierarchy in a place where the precipitation is toxic. Would we really discriminate against the only beings fit to work in those conditions? Think back on the year 2017 and use your imagination.

It’s 30 years after the first adventure and Replicants (bioengineered synthetic humans), for a time, had been banned. Tyrell Corp, the original manufacturer is seen in the movie as a blackened husk of inactivity. Not repurposed or demolished, it is an unspoken rule to never approach the building, or its memory, for any reason.

That means you, Simba.

Officer KD6 – 3.7 (Ryan Gosling) is a new model of Replicant completely subservient to his human masters. He works for the LAPD as a Blade Runner tracking down older model Nexus 6 Replicants that went AWOL after the blackout. He is forced to confront Tyrell’s legacy head-on when his search for Sapper Morton (Dave Bautista) unearths a secret decades-buried that will challenge the nature of Replicants everywhere as well as the dynamic with the humans they serve.

Tyrell’s tomb is now in the shadow of a building belonging to Niander Wallace (Jared Leto), an industrialist whom one could imagine was the original trajectory for Tony Stark had he not gotten the shrapnel in his chest. Wallace has solved the food crisis and seemingly averted humanity’s collapse on Earth. He decides, though, that only Replicants, who consume a fraction of the resources, can continue living on a planet so depleted.

Without saying too much before the spoiler section, this is what I like to call a Grown Ass Movie. It’s over two-and-a-half hours long and while it’s running it commands your attention. It bombards you with its themes and motifs, of which there are many. After my first viewing of this film, all I could really do was exhale. And then proceed to take the long way home from the cinema.

This is both a strength and a setback. Cinephiles like myself will have no problem letting themselves be immersed in a world this visually dark and beautiful and engrossing. That doesn’t change the fact that the film feels bloated - the first act especially so. Most viewers will be wondering throughout the first hour, what the story even is or, at the least, when it will pick up. That doesn’t make it a bad movie, but it doesn’t make it a perfect one, either.

At least a half point must be docked for the failing of the Bechdel Test: quite a feat for a movie with so many prominent female characters including Joi (Ana de Armas) K’s holographic girlfriend (in the vein of Spike Jonze’s Her) and Lt. Joshi (Robin Wright) his cut-the-crap supervisor on the force. These performances were the most complex and measured of the film, including Luv (Sylvia Hoeks), the Replicant serving as personal assistant to Wallace on all matters.

It's been so long since I’ve been able to sit down and just watch a movie. What we have here isn’t the action-driven blockbuster you perhaps have been sold. I can hardly even call it a thriller. It’s a true film noir – a detective story through and through. Officer K does actual foot work. None of the flashy procedural stuff you see on your mom’s favorite CBS crime drama. He follows his leads to various unassuming locations, interviewing people and collecting data and finding clues along the way.

This is also the most practical film I’ve seen for its scale in ages. All of the tracking shots here are handled with miniature models, as well as massive soccer-field-sized set pieces to lend to the world’s weight and density. The legendary Roger Deakins has shot another visual masterpiece and when the movie hits home markets, I hope people discover a new level of wonder for each practical effect that they were sure was Computer Generated.

I thought for a long time about the world presented in 2049 and the trajectory of our own world. Given the rate of human birth and the effects of global climate change, it’s plausible to imagine a near future where we too will have insects, not cattle, as our primary source of protein. The resource crisis is real, and it’s right now.

As for the movie, I see one constant in which our world mirrors the cyberpunk noir fantasy presented by director Denis Villnueve: the stark lack of nuance.

With every review I’ve read, the reaction can be summed up with the phrase, “Blade Runner 2049 is the best movie of the year, but-” For the sake of keeping with the director’s wishes and not spoiling the whole story, this is the correct reaction to have. It’s the B-U-T, though, that spoils any review that could be written.

Film critic Emily Yoshida wrote an excellent piece for the Vulture website where she questioned, simply, why all sci-fi epics are seemingly obsessed with depicting giant scantily-clad women. It’s a good question, and one I wouldn’t have considered before reading it. Based upon the comments on the article, you would think she attacked every reader personally for liking this movie, even though she clearly didn’t (and also liked the movie!)

For years, in all walks of life, we have been playing a zero-sum game. There is no middle ground, no gray area. You must love my position unconditionally. If you don’t, it means you love the other one and I hate you. None of these people could ever tell you why that’s true, and it’s that same dynamic that leads to Humans hating Replicants – their own creations. You can heap whatever praise you want on whatever work, but as soon as that B-U-T comes up, an alarm sounds and every word after – spoken or written – is utterly ignored.

It goes without saying, but real life doesn’t work like this. For movies like Blade Runner and its sequel, that duality makes for compelling character work and drama. For things like public discourse and government bodies, it’s perhaps the worst thing that can happen.

Honestly, It’s tough to even criticize this movie without spoiling it – which I will do. For the moment, know that whatever criticisms I have should not stop you from seeing this film. It’s worth the time spent. Nevermind that it’s the sequel of a movie that really didn’t need one. It’s a movie that I’m glad got made, and one I’ll enjoy for years on.

4.5 Stars out of 5

So, perhaps you’re wondering why I’ve waited until now to mention Harrison Ford. Well, while his presence alone isn’t a spoiler, his reason for being present definitely is. As the story goes: after Rachael and Deckard vanished 30 years ago, they, by some miracle, conceived a child which Rachael died giving birth to. Finding that child is the main conflict of the film but you shouldn’t expect too much of Deckard, who doesn’t appear until the third act.

While you could divvy up this movie into the traditional Three Act format (the first hour, the second hour and the last 40 minutes) I prefer to view it in Four Acts. Number One is the presentation of the mystery and The Question. Number Two sees Officer K begin his investigation and his search for the Replicant child. Number Three is where K (seemingly) solves the mystery and tracks down Deckard, who is in hiding. Number Four is the final conflict, where K sheds his android nature and asserts himself to be his own person.

The biggest swerve of this movie comes in two parts, separated by a large amount of time. It begins in an abandoned factory in San Diego where K finds a small toy horse that an implanted memory would lead him to believe is his own. He visits Dr. Ana Stelline, a maker of implants, to see just what separates a real memory from a fake one. She confirms, yes, his memory of protecting his toy horse is very real – but it’s not his own.

The most elusive fact is often the most obvious, as it were. In a very Nolan-esque twist, it was a little girl we see running through the factory, fighting for the only piece of humanity she has left. A toy made out of real wood which, like most organics (sans the bees K discovers in Las Vegas) is all but extinct. It’s suggested that Ana herself gave K the memory as she views it and begins to cry. She recognizes that Officer K is having a massive existential crisis and it’s likely because of the decision she made. Her intention was to give a Replicant an authentic memory to look back fondly upon whenever their present life became too bleak. But as usual in Blade Runner’s world, even acts of kindness are harshly punished.

It’s after this we see K escape Los Angeles (with Joi in tow) and track down Rick Deckard in a fallout-ridden Las Vegas. In one of the most gorgeous set pieces of the film, everything is tinged with a burnt auburn orange and covered in a heavy layer of dust, showcasing years of abandonment.

[When you’re not performing your duties, do they put you in a little box? CELLS]

Sitting down at a bar, Deckard asks K his name and he answers with the name Joi gave him: Joe. It’s one of many “show, don’t tell” moments, in this case, about the development of a character who, a couple days earlier, believed himself to be little more than a weapon for the LAPD. When Luv arrives to capture Deckard and crush Joi’s emanator, thus destroying her AI, we see the fight leave K’s eyes as he’s left to die on the floor of Deckard’s postmortem casino penthouse.

[What’s it like to hold the hand of someone you love? INTERLINKED]

He is rescued by a group of rogue replicants and, in a scene that feels like it was filmed after the fact, is told of a coming rebellion – Humans v Replicants. He’s also told that Rachael gave birth to a girl and the swerve from the end of “Act 2” comes back ‘round to blindside both Joe and the audience. It’s a gut-punch, and well-performed, but I still could have done without the extra scene. It’s all a bit superfluous. Just seeing K picked up by the vagrants and then cutting to him on the rainy balcony would have been fine.

[Do you long for having your heart interlinked? INTERLINKED]

The first time we see K and Joi in the rain, he has bought her an emanator, which allows her to integrate her image outside of the projection system installed in his home. He tells her she can go wherever she wants, and she chooses to go outside. They share a touching and tender moment that is cut short by a call from Lt. Joshi – a reminder that our hero was about to make out with an answering machine. The second time we see them in the rain, Joe is alone and is solicited by a large, pink nude version of his Joi model. It’s an advertisement and is almost cartoonish in its sexuality. K’s own Joi model never approached him in such a way; he looks confused before the advertisement points at him and says, “You look like a good Joe.”

[Do you feel that there’s a part of you that’s missing? INTERLINKED]

With renewed vigor, K commandeers a spinner and flies to the metal shores of Southern California to keep Deckard from being shipped off-world. He kills everyone (including Luv) during the rescue. Once again, we see how important pacing is. K avoids violence through much of this movie, despite being very powerful himself. That way, when it’s time for him to get physical (breaking a landfill scavenger in half over his knee) it explodes off the screen.

Freysa - a military-issue black ops Replicant - and Luv both had specific plans for Rick Deckard. Freysa wants him dead to reduce the risk of Wallace discovering her whereabouts. Luv wants him for the sake of her boss, believing he will unlock the secret to Replicant reproduction – the minority becomes the majority. K disregards both, instead choosing Option C: Save Deckard and get him to his daughter, whom he has never met.

[What’s it like to hold your child in your arms? INTERLINKED]

K suffers critical injuries in his battle with Luv. Once he’s flown Deckard to Stelline Laboratories, K does something that would no doubt have Roy Batty himself weeping at the Universe’s cruel indifference. To call him ‘Officer’ K would presume he had an occupation. What he had, really, was an operation. Replicants are bioengineered slaves. K then is a stray dog with no master and has next to no chance of passing his PTSD Public Safety Exam that separates the good androids from the ‘retired’ ones.

As hard as it is to top the “Tears in Rain” monologue that closed the original, 2049 comes damn close as K eases himself down onto the steps and waits for his end. It’s an iconic scene: here we have a character we’ve followed and seen get used and abused for the better part of 3 hours. He fights tooth and nail for even a single scrap of agency and when he finally gets it, he uses it to save someone else and then die alone.

[A blood black nothingness began to spin.]

Backtracking now:

After my second viewing I decided that we got exactly enough of Jared Leto as Niander Wallace. He gives a measured, methodical and often deeply unsettling performance. He is a human who ironically lacks the empathy of K, a Replicant, and makes no qualms of killing off his own creations if they fail to meet his standards. His motivations seem to be a mix between big business exceptionalism and an incorrigible God Complex.

But what about Luv?

This character is made complex enough, but not truly fleshed out. It’s made clear she wants nothing more than to please Wallace (who more than once calls her the best of his ‘Angels’) and even K notes that she was special enough to receive a name, as opposed to a serial number. At the same time, it’s impossible not to notice the fear she has of Wallace. She is jumpy and cagey around him – constantly on defense. These are classic warning signs of someone who has been abused repeatedly. She may be special, but she’s still a Replicant.

In one of the short films produced by Warner Bros. to fill in the gap between the two movies, Wallace orders one of his Replicants to kill themselves in front of a group of investors as proof of their subservience. Wallace’s Nexus 9 models are far more powerful, but also far more controlled. It’s Gaslighting: The Movie. How else to explain Luv being so fearful of a smaller, weaker blind man? Their slavery is encoded into their DNA. To the point where K can’t even look his human co-workers in the eye.

Does Luv truly want a grand future where Tyrell’s vision of a being “More Human Than Humans” comes to pass? If so, how does she reconcile the fact that Niander Wallace would be controlling that future? Are the fates of Luv and K truly preordained, or is there a reality where they wonder aloud if they should even be fighting each other?

A few moments more devoted to the above queries would have elevated a great movie into a perfect one.

[Is there security in being part of the system? SYSTEM]

When K shows hesitance in retiring something that was born, (“To be born is to have a soul, I guess.”) Lt. Joshi reassures(?) him, saying he’s been getting on fine without a soul. This is the first and most important question of the Id-driven Blade Runner universe. Is K fine without a soul? What even is a soul? When do we have one? Can it be gained? Can it be lost?

Joe’s choice to save Deckard was in some ways, an odd one. The whole point of finding the child in the first place is to avoid a massive conflict. The Humans and Replicants are separated by an imaginary wall – one Class above another. With the knowledge that Nexus 6 models can perhaps reproduce, there is no Wall. No more Slave and Master dynamic. Even understanding this possibility – even with all the abuse he’s suffered – Joe forgoes this and helps Deckard fake his death, so that the man can hold his daughter and Ana can get a proper birthday party.

It’s a sentimental, selfish decision that disregards the dreams of his entire race, but it’s human and it’s his. Our actions outlive us all and our memories are kept alive through the affect that we have on people. It’s why Roy Batty saved Rick Deckard in 2019 and it’s why Joe did the same in 2049.

The need to leave a legacy is the most human thing there is.

And so, the Blade Runner thesis can be summed up in this single interaction Joe has in Vegas with Deckard and his dog.

“Is it real?”

“I don’t know. Ask him.”

[WITHIN CELLS INTERLINKED WITHIN CELLS INTERLINKED WITHIN CELLS INTERLINKED]

Mary Poppins, Y'all | Review - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

I feel like we should talk about director James Gunn’s fascination with Howard the Duck. Another Guardians film; another cameo. Is a remake coming? Will he be directing it? Or is this just one of several memes to be associated with future appearances of The Space Avengers.

The biggest meme in regard to The Guardians of the Galaxy – even Volume 2 – is that, for lack of a better term, they just do shit. The Avengers managed to save New York and by extension the World, only after screwing it up the first go-round. The Guardians saved the Galaxy on their first try, but mainly for their own benefit.

A few years ago, they were a bunch of jackasses standing in a circle. As the movie begins, we see them as a bunch of rich jackasses standing in a circle; prepared to defend the Sovereign space colony from a giant monster that wants to feed on their power source. Rocket is not a giant space worm, but he is a scoundrel and also shows interest in the Sovereign's batteries.

The ensuing chase and space battle leaves the team stranded on a distant planet where they meet Kurt Kenobi Russell, Peter Quill’s long-lost dad who left his only son in the care of space pirates as the boy’s mother slowly succumbed to a brain tumor.

The rest of the movie only vaguely resembles the Super Space Road Trip that the first movie did (subsidiary plot line notwithstanding). No, Vol. 2 in the Adventures of Star-Lord and Pals is all about family and the lengths we are willing to go for them.

Is this different? Yes.

Is this good? Also yes.

It’s a bit more of an introspection, this flick. As a sequel, it definitely feels like one. It’s bigger and it’s longer, but its themes are largely its own. Peter and his dad have catching up to do. Gamora and her sister Nebula have a score to settle. Rocket has his own issues and Captain Yondu is reeling from a mutiny on his own ship.

Whether or not you can get through that might decide what you think of this movie, because once we get to the action, dammit, it’s time for action.

Now, some notes from my screening.

Full disclosure: I am from Missouri. It’s where I saw this movie, and so when the first shot of the movie is of young, CG Kurt Russell driving through what the movie has titled as “Missouri” 1980, the theater promptly loses their minds. I had to look over to my friend in question. What exactly were we cheering for?

The crowd was active the entire night, just like when I saw the first Guardians. The movie was funny and they responded throughout. Midnight Movie Madness takes a bit to recover from, especially when I decide to write directly after, but it’s always a treat with films like this.

The soundtrack, once again is great to listen to and Big Dave Bautista continues to be a revelation as Drax the Destroyer. Having watched him for a decade as a pro wrestler, I can safely say that this is my favorite version of him. After his run with Marvel is through, I hope we haven’t seen the last of him on screen.

I’ll get into a brief spoiler discussion after the jump below (beware!) but I had fun with this one. It’s not as good objectively as the first movie – it’s cartoonish to the point of absurdity and some of the performers really seem to ham it up with that in mind – but it’s not without its own merits. If your selling point for the original was the characters and the humor, you’ll love this, because you’ll get to spend a lot more time with the Guardians: the jackasses who get to save the Galaxy twice.

3.5 Stars out of 5

So, Star-Lord’s dad Ego (a bit on the nose, huh, folks?) is revealed to be a celestial being of unimaginable power. He tells Peter he is immortal and has been alive for eons, quite literally spreading his seed amongst the stars.

Right away you know something is off. Never mind he calls himself Ego. He is depicted in the movie, as I said earlier, by the veteran Kurt Russell – grey beard and all. But if he’s immortal, why come to Peter in the shape of an old man? Wonder Woman is immortal, too, but she never ages more than her prime years.

Sure enough. Ego’s plan is akin to dimensional genocide. He looks to spread his “light” throughout the cosmos, at the cost of countless lives. However, he makes the same mistake General Zod did in Man of Steel when he was convincing Kal-El to let him destroy humanity.

Ego, terrible pitch man that he is, reveals he was the one who put the tumor in Peter’s mom. Peter responds by breaking himself out of the trance and promptly shooting Ego to pieces. This hit home, as I have also only seen my dad three times; the last of which involved him being a giant asshole to my mom for no discernable reason. Star-Lord had the appropriate response. I can tell you I’m a better person now because he did not live with us.

Also, sit tight after the credits roll. There are a number of stingers in this one. Most of them are just funny slice-of-life gag reels but there is one that has significant bearings on the future of the MCU. I had to do some research myself, and just happened to find an article that puts things into perspective from a comics standpoint. 2018, here we come!

Re-Booking The Feud

I should precede this by saying I’ve always been more of a Marvel Comics guy. Emphasis on ‘Comics.’ The stories of Marvel comics are usually more connected to their superhero origins. There’s a bit more Fun n’ Fancy Free which suits my style a bit more. However, there’s always been a soft spot present for DC because of the characters they have crafted and the worlds they inhabit. I think they all have so much depth. There doesn’t seem to be any end to the stories you could tell. So putting the two greatest heroes of all time on the same screen seems like a no-brainer.

Dawn of Justice was…not a good movie. It was an entertaining movie in spots. It was a LOUD movie throughout. But it was not a good movie.

Many factors contributed to this unfortunate turn of events. For one, Zack Snyder isn’t the best storyteller. That doesn’t mean he’s not good. He just isn’t good at directing. His true talent to me has always been in the producer’s chair and never in the director’s chair. As a producer, the way he frames shots, especially in terms of action is incredible. So, it’s no surprise that this was an incredible movie to see, visually.

Like most of you (or some of you, I can’t assume) I have been following these stories for much of my life and as silly as it may seem to an outsider – or movie producer – there are very real emotions associated with and summoned by these otherwise fictional characters. It’s an investment. As such, I can’t let the screenwriters off the hook, here. David S. Goyer and Chris Terrio wrote a decent story, but when it came time to fill in the blanks with a good screenplay, the struggles were apparent. Writing isn’t easy, and it’s easy to tell when someone hasn’t connected with the source material.

So, what brings us here?

Of the many things my mom taught me - and there were many – the one I found the most valuable was the art of being proactive. “If you don’t like something, think about what you can do to improve the situation. It doesn’t make sense to do nothing.” I paraphrase but just know for the record my mother didn’t suffer complainers lightly in her household.

That’s why, just a month removed from seeing the movie in theaters, news of the Ultimate Edition on the horizon, my proclamation of rewriting the movie to my friend and co-worker was met with the predictable delayed wutface.

What do you mean you’re going to rewrite the whole movie?

I mean I’m going to rewrite the whole goddamn movie. More accurately write the movie I’d thought I might see. Because you see when I pay for my ticket stub and it says…

DAWN OF JUSTICE

I expect to have an action-packed, drama-filled, SOOPER LOUD thrill ride of a movie that possibly has Supes and Bats fighting but ends with them as bros AND with the rest of the Justice League standing tall atop a sun-crested hill.

The DAWN of Justice

Instead…  Superman is dead, Batman runs off to find Barry and Wonder Woman runs off…somewhere?

The DUSK of Justice.

The name of that file before I downloaded it was actually – no bullshit: Batman and Wonder Woman Stand Over Lois Cradling Superman’s Corpse. Dead bodies are full of hope, right? Death is a good allegory for Dawn, yes? It’s like playing through a Castlevania and you finally beat it but you took too long so you get the Bad Ending.

Damn, he's not gonna be in JL Pt. 1

Where the hell is everyone going? We’ve gotta do some shit! Oh, what’s that? Clark is alive actually? Well, good thing we didn’t just sit through two-and-a-half hours of movie or this might have been a complete waste of time!

Anyway!

Back to near present day: I explain to my friend that my vision for this story is to have it focus mostly on Bruce and Diana as they meet during their separate spying of LexCorp and work together to find the other members of the not-yet-named JL before Lex Luthor does. This is for a few reasons. Well more than a few but, in order first.

~One of the good points of the movie for me was the (far too) brief cat-and-mouse game Bruce and Diana found themselves in during the first act. Bruce was caught between being equally attracted to and unnerved by this woman who seemed to always be a step ahead. She gave an air of knowing something he didn’t which got under his skin since he is so used to being the smartest person in any given room. Diana on the other hand was intrigued by this wolf in sheep’s clothing who obviously didn’t belong with this group of people and looked so ready to rip the head off the first person to give him reason. I wanted to explore their back and forth while also giving more of a Leading Lady type role to Diana as opposed to Snyder’s Hot Lady Stares At Dagger role.

~If Batman is in the movie, I feel like it should always be more about him. A lot of DCEU stories – animated or otherwise – already do this. Batman is practically the only human hero in this whole Universe. It’s far easier for us to relate to his perspective in any one arc because none of us have x-ray vision or super speed and neither does he. We feel a sort of emotion and anxiety for him that we don’t for others because, unless someone zaps Kal with that funky green rock, he’ll probably be okay. Bruce, on the other hand, could get squashed at any point. Which reminds me…

~Writing Superman is HARD. Writing him well is harder because of every reason I’ve stated above. Now, I’ve read GREAT Superman stories. I’ve read great Batman stories that had Superman in them. Superman is a great character and has so much rich history behind him. But the nature of his character is tough to navigate if you don’t have it mapped. He’s simply too powerful. It’s not his fault. He’s Born Like This.

Wonder why Hulk and Thor weren’t involved in Captain America: Civil War? Because suspension of disbelief, even in a comic book movie, can only get you so far before you stand in your chair and ask, “Why doesn’t Hulk Smash EVERYTHING?” Why indeed. If you’ve read the comic version of Civil War, you know: it was a race to find the Hulk. Like picking the tall kid for basketball, or the fast one for kickball. If Hulk is on your team you win the Superhero Contest! Simple as that. He’s The Strongest There Is. Just like Kal-El. We know Clark is really a good guy. Probably a God-fearing guy, given his childhood on a Kansas farm. But it’s hard at times to feel bad for the guy who could probably delete your planet. Or resolve the plot in 2 minutes or less. Again, storytelling.

~I am a longtime fan of professional wrestling. It’s an interesting niche to be involved with because as a form of entertainment, it’s like everything else, but there is nothing else like it. On top of the amazing displays of literal death-defying athleticism that I no doubt respect and enjoy, the true enjoyment for me comes from the storylines and characters that are crafted in this pseudo-athletic world of pantomime competition. A very pretty way of saying: wrestling is fake. Just like Dawn of Justice is fake. This is no secret but watching wrestling for so long has me looking at other forms of prose and fiction to see how I would “book” similar conflicts that run parallel in the other story. In the story of Batman v Superman, this match would not be happening on my watch. Not yet.

Can you fucking imagine if Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant instead of having their Sport-Defining Most Important Match of All Time at WrestleMania III in front of 100,000 people had it on Main Event in front of 15,000? Vinny Mac wouldn’t be the magnate he is now. This is practically the first film of DC’s next phase. It’s like a basketball team that gets down by ten points and then tries to make it all back on one play instead of getting a stop then a score then a stop then a score… Guys. Patience! I want Bruce to beat the shit out this guy, too. But let’s maybe get the gang together first before we blow our wad through 50 years of combined history here. Who gives a shit what Marvel is doing [making another Ant-Man movie!] you have a great catalogue and unlimited resources! Take the time to make it right.

Easier said than done, I know. The idea is to pull the most profit right now and given that they started behind the blocks WB isn’t exactly in a waiting mood. This isn’t an easy job. BUT! When I am in the theater watching DoJ and the Big Blue Boy Scout is on the screen my preceding thought shouldn’t be, Oh, just die already! I should cheer for him! I should want him to win! I should want all of them to win! Hence, the DAWN of- Nope. I’ve made that point already. I’ll tell you what I’ll do.

As the summary suggested, this will be a canon divergence of sorts but it will be canon compliant. To a point. I’ve always believed in doing the best with what you’ve got, so as much as I would love to dig around for countless hours in the endless meta and rogues’ gallery of both Batman and Superman I’ll be sticking to the canon presented or influenced by the movie itself. Which means, sadly, my favorite and yours Dick Grayson will not be making an appearance. There will be other winks and nods peppered throughout and maybe even some cameos as I see fit. This is a work of fiction. I am not pulling profit from it and even if I was, Zack Snyder doesn’t sign my checks.

The story will involve a different version of a still angry Bruce Wayne who makes a different decision after the Capitol Hill Bombing. Instead of vowing revenge on Superman, he works to discover who is responsible for the attack while Wonder Woman helps him track down the Metahumans on LexCorp’s watchlist. It will still be an action movie but with much more emphasis on Bruce as the World’s Greatest Detective which is an important part of the character. Because isn’t he a bit too smart to be jerked around by a low rent Heath Ledger costume?

This will also be a Mature fic. You would think that after the smashing success of Deadpool that studios would have ditched the myth that PG-13 ratings equaled the most ticket sales. If there ever was a DC movie to get the R that wasn’t Suicide Squad, it had to be this one. Obviously they had no problem killing scores of people, but the thematic elements weren’t there. That, and Bruce should be cussing waaaay more in this (I will happily acquiesce). Because realistically, Kal-El has already saved the entire world from certain doom whereas Batman has been beating up gang members and thugs in the gutter of Gotham for two decades. An endless slog with no end in sight. How bitter and jaded would you be of such an existence? So if your Bats isn’t the kind that doesn’t care what happens to Thug No. 2 as he flies out the 3^rd story window hop off now.

Arthur, Vic and Barry will all be in this, obviously. My plans for Flash are what you’d expect, but the other two are examples of where some divergence might take place from a characterization standpoint.

I’m a big fan of Jason Mamoa as Aquaman. I think he’s got a great look and it’s a good way to legitimize a character that, unfairly or otherwise, has been the butt of so many jokes. Not only that, but Aquaman has always been a hero – like Wonder Woman – who I’ve always felt (forgive me here) was a bit too Caucasian. Remember the animated movie Atlantis: The Lost Empire? It isn’t by accident that the only Caucasian people in that movie are from the surface world. With that being said, I know DC’s Cinematic style and I can see from the first Justice League trailer that this Arthur is going to be big and growly. That’s fine, because Mamoa is big and growly, too, but the Aquaman I know best does stuff like this.

Yes, that is Aquaman riding a silverfish. And if your first thought was, “Hi-yo Silverfish!” get yourself a cookie because that was the exact line from the show. I may have stopped laughing in time to see the end of the episode. I won’t make him do something as ridiculous but I’ll do my best to make him an affable fish man with a fiery temper.

Cyborg is another case altogether. The original Teen Titans animated series was never underrated at any juncture from what I remember, but I do very much remember – even as a teen myself watching – that the show was much darker than was given credit for. Nevermind the Slade/Robin “I own you” storyline: there were serval episodes dealing with identity issues and finding purpose. It makes sense because they’re teenagers but especially in Vic’s case because other than Beast Boy (it’s not easy being green) he can’t hide who he is.

It’s implied that he’s come to terms with the fact that he will never be fully human, but it’s never really that easy. In the episode where he goes undercover as the villain STONE, he looks at the projected image of himself in his old body and wonders what life would be like if he had only ever been Victor. Would he still be in school? Would he still be playing football? Would his mother still be alive? Victor Stone’s story is a tragic one, really. Even his origin is one that has subversive themes of dehumanization and overt body horror that a Mad Max dream sequence just couldn’t do justice. I believe the best way to go about writing Vic is with a simmering aggression. He’s accepting of his situation and doesn’t like it, but he’s learning to appreciate being alive with every experience he has.

While on the topic, Gal Gadot is perfect for this role. I had her in mind as I wrote for Wonder Woman which is incredibly fun, for the record. I feel the same way about Ben Affleck. His portrayal of Batman was the best I’ve seen on screen. The same goes for Jeremy Irons as Alfred. Exceptional casting in both cases. Without their performances, I would have likely walked out of the theater that night.

Something else that bugged me about the movie: how little dialogue was spent pondering the murky grays of Batman, Superman and vigilantism in general. It’s clear no one really cares for Batman but Superman flies into a conflict zone, kills the shit out of some insurgents and flies back home with his girlfriend like nothing happened. People freak out for a bit, but then everything’s cool again until the Senate Hearing is bombed. I plan to explore this theme early and often because like Assassin’s Creed I feel like sometimes these stories tend to portray the protagonists too much like The Good Guys - in particular Bruce Wayne. And he is a Good Guy, technically, but he is also famous for using very aggressive and ethically challenged manors of achieving his goals. That, and I don’t plan to shy away from Bruce’s almost-certainly-untreated PTSD, nor the fact that underneath his charm he is at times a very unstable man capable of extreme acts of violence. Per the movie.

I’ve gone back and forth on whether to do it all as an actual screenplay or write it as prose and I chose the latter option just because it’s what I know best. I’m comfortable with it and it will help me paint the picture better. Show don’t tell, etc. etc.

Another order of business: DC – unlike Marvel – bases most of their story arcs in fictional places, separate from or alongside real cities. Although it isn’t always made clear which city is where geographically, the consensus is that most of them are on the East Coast or in the Midwest. As such, I’ve taken some creative liberties so that our story won’t only take place in cold and/or grey places. Ah, the power of fiction.

GOTHAM/METROPOLIS – As presented in the movie, Gotham City is in New Jersey and Metropolis is its New York counterpart across the water.

CENTRAL CITY – Ordinarily is depicted as part of Kansas City, Missouri’s Metro area. For the purposes of this story, it will be at or around the real-life location of Flagstaff, Arizona; due West of the Hopi Reservation.

JUMP CITY – Hometown of the Teen Titans in the animated series. Titans Tower is perched on a seaside cliff where it never rains, so in honor of one of my best friends who relocated and beta’d my early drafts, Jump City is our Orange County/SoCal stand-in. (Right up the road from Los Santos.)

STAR CITY – Again, depicted as sorta East Coast and vaguely Midwest. For Barry’s sake, we’re sticking to the Left Coast. Pacific Northwest to be exact.

THEMYSCIRA – Legend puts the Home of the Amazons on the banks of the Thermodon River. Themyscira was an ancient Greek town near the mouth of this river which is now known as the Terme in modern-day Turkey. In DC Land, Themyscira is an island so that island will be somewhere due North in the Black Sea.

This is part of a process for me. Things are going okay for me right now, but I know I’m not as happy as I should be. My personal life has stagnated while my professional life has plateaued. I’ve got many friends I’d like to spend time with but simply can’t because of time, distance, obligations, etc and I’m afraid they think I’ve forgotten them. In truth, all I forgot was how important writing was to me.

It always helped center me, when my thoughts and emotions began to spiral but I didn’t write anything for the longest time because of the feeling of futility that overcame me. Like I let everyone down. Hopefully, by writing this story and following through on my plan to challenge myself creatively I can find a bit of energy by writing of the exploits of these madmen while sprinkling in some of my own madness.

Thank you for your time. Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy your stay. And if you ever decide to leave, I thank you for coming in the first place. Ladies and Gentlemen this is…

DAWN OF JUSTICE

What Are We? Some Kinda [Working Movie Title] | Review - Suicide Squad

Warner Bros.

It's petty, I know. But nonetheless it's an instant mark down for a movie with me and it's quite indicative of the very problems I had with this one. But, as usual, I'm well ahead of myself. Firstly, we should introduce the SQUAD in question. As it did in the film, it will take no less than 30 minutes.

From left to right in the above banner:

The Enchantress (Cara Delevingne)
Ghostbusters villain and part-time evil Sky Witch. She inhabits the body of Dr. June Moone, an archaeologist and possibly Lara Croft in disguise.

El Diablo (Jay Hernandez)
Former LA gang banger and current Human Flamethrower. Has given up his fiery ways for a life of solitude and contemplation after torching his home and his young family. He is the moral center of this movie and is also the Desmond Miles of this movie.

Captain Boomerang (Jai Courtney)
Typically The Flash's punching bag now the Squad's resident dirty Aussie. He loves beer, money and pretty pink horses.

Killer Croc (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje)
Scaly, green monster man who resides in the sewers of Gotham. Not to be confused with the one who breathes fire or the one who jumps high.

Deadshot (Will Smith)
The world's deadliest hitman. He can hit any target for the right price: will negotiate on site. Is trying to make a better life for his daughter but is captured before he can complete his Christmas shopping. If we could all be so fortunate.

Colonel Rick Flag (Joel Kinnaman)
A special forces commander who has been assigned to watch over this group of villains. He is in a relationship with Dr. Moone that will in no way compromise the mission at hand. Clearly.

Slipknot (Adam Beach)
Native American tracker and expert wall climber who got invited just to have his head blown off. Inclusion!

Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie)
Former Arkham Asylum psychologist and current right hand to The Clown Prince of Crime. Has an affinity for pistols, bubble gum and baseball bats. Would also like you to tell her she's pretty. Would also like you to tell her she's crazy.

Katana (Karen Fukuhara)
Colonel Flag's primary body guard. Not exactly a villain but still extremely skilled with a samurai sword. Her slain husband's soul is trapped in the sword but past that, we're not exactly sure what her motivations are for joining this aforementioned suicide mission. (Something of a regular thing for women in DC's movies. More on that a bit later.)

Amanda Waller (Viola Davis) *not pictured
The mastermind and director of Taskforce X. At no point does she give a decent, logical reason as to why these crazy asshats should be allowed to roam free and at no point do any of her colleagues offer any more than one rebuttal to this insane slo-mo heavy plan. It worked, sorta! So I guess it's cool!

Oh, and there's these guys, but, we don't care about them right now. *wink

A lot of feelings coming out of this one for me. A lot of it confusion. Not anger like after Dawn of Justice but a lot of wondering about choices made. For one, I had to remember why Will Smith was even in the movie and then I realized that I had made a mistake. You see, Deadshot is just one of many assassin roaming the DCEU. There is another marksman of similar wares known as Deathstroke aka Slade Wilson. Not to be confused, of course, with Wade Wilson.

"LOL Auto-correct can be so tricky sometimes!"

But no, Deadshot is his own character. A bit younger than Slade with much less blades. As it were, this movie might have been received better if it had been called The Deadshot Brigade. Starring Will Smith, playing Deadshot...playing Will Smith. A good performance. Surprisingly so. Not because he isn't good, but because of who he was playing. A killer with a heart of gold is a good archetype but not necessarily if they are being driven by pick-a-catch phrase dialogue. Given the odd tonal shifts throughout, his steadiness was welcome.

Mountaintop!

That's about as far as the steadiness goes, however, as he and Flag are really the only two members of the team that get any extended internal view by the audience. The only two besides Diablo, of course, who spends much of the movie in silence and the rest of it on fire. He's one of two here with any sort of moral compass which makes sense as he turned himself in and the others are mostly just bad guys. What doesn't make much sense is why he decided to help in the end. In one scene he is literally standing in a hail of bullets, frowning as he watches his "friends" fend for their lives. One pep talk from Deadshot and suddenly he's ready to go.

He's not nearly the only one. It tough to figure out why anyone does what they do. Sure, Rick wants to save the woman he loves from the Enchantress and Deadshot needs to save the world for his young daughter. What reason do the rest of these evil folks have to go to the center of the Trash Hurricane after the Colonel sets them free? Only one way to find out. And that's through the power of...

Nickelodeon

Zach Synder helped produce this. It is clear that this man loves dream sequences and anything resembling such. Sucker Punch, DoJ and now this are chock full. Acceptable momentarily because we finally get to see Jared Leto's interpretation of perhaps the greatest villain in modern fiction. There wasn't a big enough serving size to decide how good it was. It was interesting and different; both good things. He's less of a sociopath and more of a sleek drug dealer looking for his next score. In this story, that score is his girlfriend, Harley Quinn.

That's fine for a movie about The Joker. We'll be getting one soon enough with this good friend, Bruce. But what does Dr. Harleen Quinzel want? Sure, with 10 minutes left in the movie we find out what she wants but what does she want? As I noted earlier, similar to how Wonder Woman in DoJ was left to play "Hot Lady Staring at Dagger" before her big reveal, there's too much showing and not enough telling. There was plenty of time in this 2-hour epic to tell Harley's story. If only that time wasn't eaten up by cheeky camera angles.

Having had time to reflect on this - bad reviews, good reviews, all in between - I don't like The Enchantress. I don't like her inclusion in this story. Every scene with her and her war god brother are like stepping into a different movie. One much worse than The Deadshot Brigade. Everytime the audience finds themselves bonding more with the titular group of killers they are abruptly cut off to look at more spinning magic bullshit. Who are they? Where do they come from? When did they get here? We are never told! But at least we get Bullet Time!

Fox/Marvel

 I watched this movie with a non-comics reader. Someone who wasn't familiar with the characters or their stories. They had so many more questions than answers as the movie ended. Most of these questions could be deleted if they had chosen a different climax. I know it's a standby - certainly in these movies - but we've seen the Swirling Sky of Doom ending just a bit too much already.

This is not a great example, but you see my point.

What if they had been hired to take down another more powerful supervillain? (Clayface) What if they were tasked with saving Waller from a rogue, disgruntled metahuman? (Deathstroke) What if they had been forced to work with Batman? (To track down Harley's boyfriend: an operation she would clearly sabotage.) We will never know, because instead, they were hired to save Midway City from a giant purple and green tornado. Excitement!

The string of negative review that has ensued has spawned a troubling argument. A maddening one. "Why bother criticizing these comic movies so heavily? Why over-analyze it? We're not looking for high theater here!" I hear you folks. Now hear me.

Maybe these movies at their best will never win any sort of literary award. Maybe they will never be considered high art. But guess what is?

These stories matter. Sure, creative liberties can and must be taken. But that doesn't mean the quality has to suffer as well. You have with these stories a free pass to the gravy train of success. It shouldn't be this hard to get it right. And as fans, we can and should demand their best effort.

All of that being said...I liked this movie. More accurately: I liked parts of this movie.

Yes, it has problems. Glaring ones, in fact. DC and Warner Bros. continue their streak of odd, odd storytelling choices, including letting Zack Snyder tell those stories. Perhaps even the PG-13 rating held it back. But this movie had humor, which is something. It also had Batman, which is a big something. And it had three seconds of Joker, which is better than nothing.

It also had crazy mood swings, cheap deaths and even cheaper baddies. (The faceless smudge monsters work well for Samurai Jack. Not so much for your big budget action movie.) I can't blame anyone who doesn't like Suicide Squad. You could tell me everything that bothers you and I couldn't say you're wrong. I could only say it didn't bother me as much.

I just can't in good conscience give this movie the same rating I gave BvS. So take these 3 stars and don't call me until Diana is back on my screen.

3 Stars out of 5

Hey. Shout-outs to Amanda Waller for erasing the last 15 years of Batman's crime fighting career with this little stunt. Bruce is gonna need some help in his next movie. Maybe he should give this guy a call.

This one's for free Affleck.

Just Gettin' Warmed Up | Review - Captain Amercia: Civil War

The story of Captain America is one that should conceivably speak to many types of people. A scrawny kid from Brooklyn named Steve Rogers with pennies to his name - not even enough for an actual pair of shoes - enlists in the Army in hopes of protecting his country but, more importantly to him, make the world a better place.

Fast-forward about 7 decades or so. There's been an Awakening. (lel) The First Avenger finds himself in a strange and vast and DENSE new world armed only with his shield and sensibilities. But with power comes responsibility: including the responsibility of the dozens (possibly thousands) of innocent deaths at the hands of The Avengers' brand of super-powered justice.

Before the Opening Sequence is even complete one must ask themselves, "When was the last time collateral damage was mentioned in a super hero movie? If ever?" Far too often you see one end of the spectrum or another in regards to this. Transformers' all-too-convenient lack of humanity; Man of Steel's problematic disregard of humanity. Both ends are lazy and unimaginative, but with Civil War we have the complex middle ground. Characters who want to stay true to their duty, but also struggling to reconcile the brutal realities of their work.

One such reality is the ever-expanding reach of Governing Bodies. Not just Uncle Sam. Well over 100 countries around the world have lined up at the UN to help put a leash on The World's Most Powerful Heroes. Understandably, the people are spooked by the prospect of a Super Soldier, a Demigod, a man with a Billion-dollar Battle Suit and a Big Green Monster Man under one roof.

The question then:
Does one sacrifice a bit of their professional pride and privacy to win the hearts and minds of the people, OR does one stay true to the only feelings and convictions they've ever known despite how ugly it looks on paper? This question becomes the engine behind the main conflict between our two main characters: Capt. Steve Rogers and Mr. Tony Stank Stark.


Dawn of Justice was a masterclass...of what happens when you aren't allowed to have fun in a comic book movie. Take for example the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. (Yes. A comic book adaptation.) People have different thoughts about the different versions. Live-action or animated; 90's or 00's. Everyone has their favorite version. You enjoyed yourself. You had fun watching them on that level. I had never been in a comic movie before where there was no fun to be had. Not even an unintentional laugh. No matter where you rank in knowledge or experience you are a fan at the end of the day. It's the reason you are in the theater. Certain movies forget this at times, but thankfully Civil War didn't.

Civil War knows it's own endgame. We've been building up to this showdown between Cap and Iron Man since Iron Man 2.

The disrespect

Even before he was thawed out, there was shade. Tony had to listen to his magnate father go on and on about how he knew Captain America. Speaking about him more as a son than he would to his own son. Imagine having to live up to a legend? A war hero, even. Respect and disdain are not mutually exclusive.

Tony and Steve are associates, but Steve and Bucky are best friends. Yet another hurdle to climb when it comes time to reason with the WWII veteran. It would be one thing if one side or another had the clear idealogical advantage. Unfortunately, the way it works out, both sides make a legitimate and compelling case. "You know what guy, you're totally right! Oh, but you kinda have a really good point, as well. Hmm. This is difficult. Glad I don't have to make a decision."

And how glad I was that the movie didn't cut corners in that regard. We see characters make those tough decisions and, for the most part, stick by them. (Double agents not withstanding.) And indeed there are consequences. Those that were heralded as heroes in the previous adventure are instead arrested as criminals. Which reminds me: there are a lot of heroes in this film.

All the returning Avengers. The Winter Soldier. War Machine. Semi-Retired Hawkeye. Even Ant-Man joins the fun. Conspicuous by their absence are Thor and Hulk, clearly doing something more important than playing footsies with the United Nations. But perhaps the most important attendees are the newest arrivals.

Prince T'Chala - Heir to the Throne of Wakanda - is the man who would be The Black Panther. As the King of his People, Black Panther is responsible for their protection and survival. When it is made to believe that The Winter Soldier has bombed an embassy, resulting in the death of T'Chala's father, the new King sets out on his own mission for justice. It easily could have been hackneyed and retread as most revenge arcs go. However, as the story resolves itself, T'Chala is perhaps one of the few characters to truly glean anything from his adventure. Perhaps the first of many leading roles for Chadwick Boseman.

Oh, and there's this guy.

I know you're not dumb and Marvel Studios knows this as well. So, instead of meeting a punk kid from Queens with little to no remarkable abilities, Tony Stark meets a punk kid from Queens who is six months into his super hero career. He's a good hero and a good person, but he's also 15-years-old and a total greenback. He has potential but he needs time.

He needs a teacher!

Sorry. Wrong cataclysm. What he needs is training. And what better way to train than with other heroes against other heroes that won't actually try to kill him - probably. Due to licensing issues we've never seen Spider-Man interact with even one of these characters before. Making it so very cool when the kid from Queens meets the kid from Brooklyn.

Shout-outs to young Tom Holland for playing a believably young, lovably earnest Peter Parker. I fully support him as my Spidey for the next 5-7 years. And Marisa Tomei is his more reasonably aged Aunt May. So...perhaps there is someone looking out up there. Good work.

Now that the Captain America Trilogy has been completed it seems fair to start thinking about where it ranks with other great movies all-time. I've heard talk already about these movies versus The Dark Knight Trio of films. Civil Wars' theater life has only just begun and it is still a bit early to see how history will look back on The Dark Knight Rises. To speak personally, I really liked this movie. In fact, I liked all of Captain America's movies. There wasn't one that I disliked, which is saying something seeing as the first three Spidey movies weren't even as lucky. Completion. Consistency. Constant improvement. Not unlike Captain Rogers himself. See this film. Then see the first two. Then see this one again. Enjoy the ride while it lasts.

4.5 Stars out of 5

KD Wolf: Spitting Out the Demons

Recently I read a book.

This book to be precise.

[Oh, by the by, some of you might not find this subject matter terribly pleasant. However, in the ever decreasing interest of my ever decreasing sanity I need to get this done, There are other things pulling at my attention that aren't nearly as self-involved.]

It's a book that came along at a peculiar time if only because a previous version of myself might not have understood exactly what this old and foreign book was trying to say. This current version of myself, however, is taken aback as he sees a novel, seemingly, written of his own thoughts and exploits.

This current version realizes - as the protagonist Harry Haller did - that there is little to be found at any advanced age, especially one of independence, that isn't indicative of some form of loss. To think of even just the superficial things that have been lost. Birthdays are a bore. Christmas is a pointless exercise of needless tension and consumption. The very idea of any kind of jewelry or accessory, even a simple watch, seems laughable. For the longest I've pondered and lamented as to how and what could lead to such a temperament. I didn't even know what it was exactly: confusion or general discontent. But in my research I came across this. A passage of explanation from a Mr. Allen Hackworth:

Haller also becomes a symbol of all people who suffer a particular neurosis, a neurosis which "by no means attacks the weak and worthless only but, rather, precisely those who are strongest in spirit and richest in gifts."(24)

This neurosis includes: a sense of despair and chaos, an inability to find meaning in one's life, and inability to solve the riddle of human destiny, an inability to reconcile various opposition including sensuality versus spirituality, time versus eternity, the human versus the divine, self-acceptance versus guilt.

It's not to say that I'm in any way strong or blessed with any gift to speak of. All I can say is this. I believe the people who can describe themselves as truly sane are merely ignoring the very basis and realities of our mortal and human existence.

There's nothing wrong with that, of course. We all have our vices and distractions to get us through the day. Why worry your pretty little head about the possibility of the atmosphere disintegrating and frying under the exposure of a bright and yellow star when you can instead read about the stars of Tinseltown you will likely never meet. Running errands and drinking coffee and picking up their kids just like you!

Another One

What if I told you that the only difference between The Batman and The Joker was a simple chemical imbalance. Both men were unfortunate victims of circumstance. Both men who lost everything they ever held dear. Both men who had the worst day of their life for no apparent or discernible reason. One man dedicated his life to making sure no one else would feel the way he had that day. The other, in turn, dedicated his life to making sure that no one else would live without feeling the way he had that day.

Mental Breaks

If I haven't before, let me explain. Sometimes - when things become too much and I can find no solace in existing in such a brutal and senseless world - I retreat into myself and indulge in what I call brooding days. Brooding days are an odd mix of meditation and loathing. I haven't been clinically depressed in some time but every now and then I require some time to gather myself. It's never more than a day; the one rule I've given myself. I sit quietly either in my room or in nature. Always alone and out of view. I sit and wait silently for some form of understanding or even comfort to come. Sometimes it does. Other times my brooding is simply ended finitely.

And then I see outrage over bombings in Brussels. While seeing no mention of the two car bombings in Turkey. I think of the Syrian woman I spoke with some time ago whose family must live with the anxieties of feeling unwelcome in their own hometown, the pain of seeing their childhood memories reduced to rubble and ruins, and the fear of never again returning to their homeland.

I recoil yet again.

I've been alone for a time now. Sometimes searching, often simply wandering. In my search for understanding I came across the various teachings of fearsome samurai warriors of centuries past. Stories of war and discovery and love and destruction. Similar in ways to our own follies. The more I knew, the less I understood. Until I found something.

According to the Hagakure, inevitable death must be meditated on daily. Death being the only certainty - certainly for the true warrior - one must be prepared to lay down his life for the fief. One must prepare. So I did. One day, as I meditated, I stopped. It wasn't my death that struck me. I looked up and saw the Sun. Bright and everlasting. Except not. The Sun is a star. A star that will one day expend its energy. Considering that the human race doesn't destroy the Earth first or simply destroy themselves, the Sun will implode in on itself, the resulting shockwave ripping through the Solar System and vaporizing the known worlds. Everything that is, was, or will be will have no purpose. So what has brought us to this point? From the molten sludge of creation to the world we know now why has this species - every species - fought so hard for prolonged survival? I stood from my seat and left. Finding the answer to this question was the next step of my journey.

I could never quite understand people who thought of themselves as the center of the picture. Granted, it's 2016 and we've apparently picked up the Round/Flat Earth debate for a redux but is honestly no one else willing to imagine any other possibility than the one in their face? I'll present this. An idea not of my own volition yet no less potent.

The are but two possibilities in our known Universe. Either we are alone, or we aren't. Each outcome is equally terrifying.

Freaky, right?

I know people like to talk all the time about their so-called faith in humans or, perhaps their lack thereof. Me, I never lacked in faith of humans. Not completely. In fact, it's the tenacious drive of humans that partly inspired this piece of introspection. Rather it is life itself I take issue with.

With each passing day and each tragic occurrence and each presidential stump speech a picture becomes clearer in my mind of the Universe pointing and laughing. "Look at the silly creatures!" it exclaims. "Look at them struggle with even the most basic of operations! Look at how much energy they must expend to make through a single day! Why must they bother so?" Why indeed.

Some people worry about how well their lawn is kept. Others like my younger sister simply want the strength to hold her head up to look at her friends when they speak to her. It upsets me because the one thing I've wanted out of life is comfort and knowing I can never truly give that to her pains me more than these puny words can say. There's no sour grapes here, but I'm allowing myself to be upset this once because if I don't these thoughts and feelings will fester into something all too tangible. Did it once already. Not ever again.

What made this so hard to write was the ultimate necessity. Having been in a stupor for several days, I could seldom hope to get anything of consequence done until these specters had been purged. In my darker moments, I wish I didn't have these thoughts at all. How sweet life would be as another mindless drone! To sift through the days and months and years and years with no regard to any purpose. To be seated on the couch like a potted plant, flipping the proverbial Krabby Patty for 40 years until I die.

And yet the moment never comes because of my one rule. Always spit out the demons. My roommate in college was at least vaguely aware of my depression. Unable to give much advice he told me, "Never let yourself get too low." Had I listened, perhaps I could have salvaged some sort of normal millennial experience. But all of that is done. It doesn't matter now.

The Way of the Warrior is to disregard the Past as nonexistent and the Future as irrelevant. The only thing of substance is the here and now. I might not have the answers to why right now, but I do have purpose right now. My co-workers need me. My siblings need me.  My goddaughter needs me. That's enough for right now.

I struggle with that, too. Understanding why people like me or if they like me at all. It's where some of the difficulty with publishing this comes from. Most of you reading these words will never know the person behind the screen that crafted them. All well and good, but even more people will read this that I know personally and even went to school with. Will those that tolerate me find even these thoughts to be too dark and nihilist to sit through? Will those who didn't like me to begin with confirm their suspicions of me being a freak? Will everyone stop reading as soon as they see me piss on Christmas?

Take what you will from this information. It is not my place as an author to say what you should and shouldn't feel. I worked into the morning light with the hope that some of this weight would be lifted. My mind will likely still be racing with ideas and possibilities but if someone else's shadows have been sated I feel I've done my part.

Don't be ashamed of your shadows. Remember that you aren't alone. I have fought your fight. Am fighting your fight. The path to true enlightenment is a journey, not a destination. I may never find mine, but it is my sincere wish that my words can make your Path less tumultuous.

Such is the way of this Steppenwolf.

~KDG

[If you're seeing this, thank you for your time. Feel free to view the sequel here. A journey, not a destination.]