There’s an old saying: the more things change, the more they stay the same. In the context of marriage, this means two things.
Number One: Expectations for marriage are essentially the same as they were 50-60 years ago. Graduate, get a job, marry your high school sweetheart, have 2.5 kids, etc. The American Dream, if you will. Mostly because of what their parents have told them, or simply because of what they’ve seen, most kids still believe that finding your true love on the first attempt and marrying them years down the road is a forgone conclusion. It’s not, of course, but that another post completely.
Number Two: The problem with expectations staying the same is that things are always changing. There’s nothing wrong with having standards, obviously, but we now live in a world where getting married and having kids at 19-years-old just isn’t the best move. It definitely works for some but one should really, really think about it. Women make up most of our workforce now. They make up most of the college student population. Say what you will, but there still a surprising amount of people, females included, who think women are better suited to stay at home and play the same roles that they did 50 years ago.
That begs the question, “If expectations for marriage are more or less the same, why is the divorce rate at 50%?” Easy. While expectations tend to stay the same, standards can change drastically. For example, my grandparents have been married over 40 years. The catch? They can’t stand each other. I have never, in my life, seen two people with more disdain for living with one another. So why do they continue to live together? Standards. The standards back then where much different. You got married; you stayed married. Even if you hated your spouse and staying married would be incredibly unhealthy. If anyone from that time broke things off, even if it was for the best, they were black-listed; social suicide. They were shunned by society and everyone who participated. Nowadays, divorce is par for the course, mostly because people are much too busy doing their own thing to give a good god damn who is doing what in their bedrooms or in court.
But the worst part of it is that people are still trying to sell the “Sanctity of Marriage” angle, which is what the title of this piece refers to. You know you’ve heard it. This is America. You can’t even get through a presidential candidate‘s press conference or debate without hearing at least one mention. Marriage is a sanctified union between a man and a woman. Allow me to call bullshit.
Obviously, there are people who truly do believe this view to be true. There’s nothing wrong with that. You can believe what you want. I have no problem with the union of a man and woman being viewed as a blessed union. But before I can take this seriously, get rid of the tax write-offs and benefits and other little perks that come with marriage, and then I’ll be willing to believe in its sanctity.
And do you mean to tell me that same-sex unions are contributing to the downfall of civilization? Of the sanctity of marriage? Two people, who just so happen to be of the same sex, who have been together for years are causing more trouble than two people of the opposite sex, who can get married in the most cynical and selfish way and pull a profit for the whole world to see only to get divorced 72 days later?
No. No, I don’t think so. I don’t care what you believe. The only way you couldn’t see the hypocrisy dripping off of that statement is if you were already wading in it.
Back to my point, though. I don’t see myself getting married. Maybe it’s because the only girl I could see myself with is happily taken and very much out of my life. It probably doesn’t help that all of the marriages in my family are either ended or unhealthy. Or maybe it’s for all of the reasons listed above.
Whatever the reason, please remember that these are my opinions and mine alone. I am in no way trying to sway your decisions now or in the future. I know several people who were married right after high school graduation and they are now living very happy and fulfilled lives. I simply want to help you to make your own decisions by giving you a perspective that you might not have heard otherwise.
I won’t claim I’ve got all the answers. But I’m a whole lot better to keep up with than a damned Kardashian.
~KD the Ghostwriter
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