Spitting Out The Demons II

In the previous post this one takes its name from, I wrote briefly about my struggles with the Monster known as Depression. Specifically, I wrote about looking into the abyss and coming back out of it, and why I came back out of it. What I didn't touch upon was how I came up out of it, and to do that, it requires going back to a very dark place in my timeline.

It's a year and change removed from my short stint in Post-Secondary Education. I'm in my room back home, glaring at the ceiling, mouth agape. I am wasting away. I am a failure. I've just made the decision to die.

And if I'd had access to a weapon, I absolutely would be dead right now. There are several reasons why I'm still alive and writing this right now. Not the least is the thought of how broken my family would be to find me that way and the fear of my baby brother cursing my name everyday for the rest of his life. But in that specific moment, even those thoughts weren't enough to quell the screaming need in my bones for my pain and suffering to END. I would have. But then, I got a message.

This message was from someone that readers may know as Lunchbox but whom I know as Isaac. I had his number, of course. We'd known each other since High School, but the idea of reaching out to him had never even crossed my mind, because I wasn't trying to reach out to anyone. Not my mother, not my former teacher, no one. He called with a word, and then with a job. He didn't know what was wrong with me at the time, but he knew I wasn't well at all. What I needed was something to do and he supplied that without pause or question.

In the depths of my despair - when thoughts of self-harm were the loudest - he would talk for hours, on the job and off, until I could breathe easy and rest without the fear of regressing. I don't feel it's an exaggeration to say that Lunchbox saved my life. Without his intervention, who knows how low I would have gone. There may have been no returning for me. Since then, we've watched and reviewed countless movies together, and written some, too.

Given the recent and very sad news, I felt a responsibility to share this message with you, as well as say thank you to my best friend, which I don't do nearly enough.

Most people know the Suicide Prevention Hotline. Those who are suffering a Depression should know now that it shouldn't be suffered alone. By some miracle I survived alone for three years, but that isn't the point. The point is I should have never done it to begin with. I should have reached out, but instead, I suffered in silence and that was the biggest mistake I could have made. It almost cost me everything.

For anyone else, on the outside looking in, you may be confused or conflicted about just what you could possibly do to help someone who has abandoned their will to keep living. Simpy put: talk to them. Not about how they're feeling. Not about if they're happy today. Just talk. It can be about your favorite team or TV show. It can be about something stupid that doesn't matter at all. Anything you can do to reinstate a sense of normalcy in their lives can only help them.

And you must be patient. The healing process is a journey, not a destination. The Depressed person in your life will not make it easy. Because mental illness is not easy. In some cases, the person will never not be unhappy, but that doesn't mean they have to be unwell. You don't have to talk to them everyday, but be consistent. Be a positive outside force in their life. That way, when the internal forces threaten them with all-consuming darkness, they will see your light and move toward it. And when they do reach out, be sure you are waiting and ready to grab hold and pull them to the surface.

My friend saved my life, and I'll be thankful for it with every day I have left on this Earth.

A Race in Space is Dangerous, Baby | Review - Solo: A Star Wars Story

This is for sure another Star Wars story, but that doesn’t necessarily make it another Star Wars movie. Except in this case, it’s probably a good thing. It’s the previously unseen backstory of Han Solo: the galaxy’s most notorious smuggler and eventually a war hero.

He’s none of those things when Solo starts. Alden Ehrenreich takes up the mantle as a young Han who is on the cusp of buying freedom for himself and his girlfriend Kira (Emilia Clarke) after a lifetime of forced servitude on the scrap heap planet of Corellia. As these things go, Han gets out; his lady does not. With no connections and no credits to his name, Han sees his best option in drafting himself into the Imperial Army to become the best pilot in the galaxy and return for his childhood sweetheart. (Why does everyone want to go back to Jakku, etc.)

From there, the plot kicks in with some familiar origin story beats. Why Han flies so well. How Han met Chewie. Han and the Falcon. The callbacks are strong with this one. The Force isn’t, though, and that is, to me, a mark up for this movie. Old Han Solo still holds the record for best line in Star Wars history when he ogles Finn, flabbergasted, in Episode VII and exclaims, “That’s not how the Force works!” Han (Harrison) is a guy who just genuinely does not give a single shit about Space Wizard Magic and by that logic, neither should this movie.

And so, it’s not really a Space Opera so much as a Space Pirate adventure. There are a lot of pirates in this movie. Saving talk about the more familiar ones for later, we are very, very quickly introduced to a band of new and colorful – if underdeveloped – characters unique to the Solo Cinematic Universe.

Emilia Clarke, as mentioned above, is the female lead. Her character gets something approaching real development in the final minutes, but before then is given nothing to do outside of making mooneyes at her male counterpart, holding a blaster and cosplaying as a Space Targaryen. That’s not to say she played it this way; just to say it’s what the movie wanted her to do. As for much of the cast, the material is below what she’s capable of.

Then you have Paul Bettany, on break from getting bopped by Thanos to play Generic Disney Villain No. 1107. He does his best here, but what can one do with a script that only asks you to bare your incisors and stab random toadies with your Halo 2 melee weapon? Not much, bro.

The most interesting and engaging character here is the smuggler Beckett, played by the great Woody Harrelson. He introduces Han to the outlaw life and has an easy chemistry with his own team of thieves and the rest of the cast. Sadly, there just isn’t enough real estate in the break-neck pace of the First Act to feel any resonance when their ill-fated “One Last Job” goes sideways.

Alden Ehrenreich helps a bit with that. Calling the performance workman-like sounds a bit like feint praise but I actually mean well. It’s clear he worked very hard to mirror Harrison Ford’s ticks and mannerisms from the original films and he has his own natural charisma that he brings to the role. I personally like how much his take on Han emphasizes his actual best talent: the best bullshitter in the galaxy.

Still though, he wasn’t as good at Han as Donald Glover was at Lando Calrissian. If he had been, we might just be looking at a four-star movie. His Billy Dee Williams impression is spot-on and for regular viewers of the TV series Atlanta, indicative of his range as an actor. I won’t let you get too excited, though. To say Donald Glover stars in this movie is generous, since Lando doesn’t make his appearance until around the Third Act and, like Kira, doesn’t get much to do except be himself – in Spaaaaace!

It’s a problem I see in several medium, but especially in movies. Giving a character a few lines of relevant exposition doesn’t always equal proper development. And letting them swing a weapon around or kill a few bad guys (or the Bad Guy) doesn’t necessarily give them agency. If you want us to care – if you want them to matter – you need to give them more than busy work. Beckett is a character that influenced Han’s outlook heavily before and after the events of the film. On his own, he advanced the plot in a meaningful way that got our protagonists where they needed to go. Even Chewbacca was given a significant scene of introspection, in a matter of moments without any spoken dialogue!

I’ve seen this movie described in some reviews as a Wikipedia (or Wookiepedia) page on film. Credit for that probably goes to director Ron Howard, who deserves the title of “workman” as much as anyone on this cast and crew. He’s a very solid and safe director and it shows in how this movie is shot. The performances are all good to excellent but the movie is saved from being forgettable only by a double-swerve in the last twenty minutes that make you think “Oh, it is that kind of- ooooh! Alright, fair point movie.” With a good enough eye, you’ll see it coming, but good execution is key here.

Without spoiling anything, I really like the way the main conflict wraps up. It was never going to be a true Hero’s Journey for Han, but he at least comes away from his adventure a bit sharper, and a much better scoundrel than he was when he started.

On a stray note: I’m a fan of the new way these Star Wars epics are being structured. That is, with a soft “Fourth Act” to ratchet up the stakes after what you thought was the climax. The last twenty-five minutes of Solo got around to the Space Pirate romp that was constantly threatening to come out. I just wish it hadn’t taken so long to get there. (Shout-outs to Episode VIII.)

3 Stars out of 5

Intermediate Effort | Review - Deadpool 2 ft. Deadpool

I just saw someone online call your movie Minions for adults.

[Holy shit, that’s actually very accurate. Although, I would counter that Minions is Minions for adults. At least if Facebook is a clue.]

Do people still use Facebook for that? I only log in to pimp myself out. Not unlike you actually.

[Lovable hacks think alike you random fucking blogger you!]

Yoooo, back up. Did the guy who shoe-horned some new-age remix of “Tomorrow” into his movie just accuse me of being a hack?

[Is that not the correct term for some dude recapping a movie while using the disembodied voice of a fictional character to fill in the gaps of his scatterbrain critique?]

Oh no, we’re reviewing this in full. It’s the romcom event of the summer, after all: When Cable Met Wade.

[Gasp! I knew it! He did do it for me!]

Yeah, he did. It was pretty obvious.

[I know, right? Mind running that by long, tan and handsome for me?]

No, thank you. He is very scary and will hurt me badly.

[He is also a fictional character, by the way.]

True facts, but we can’t talk about him yet. That’s in spoiler territory.

[Well, good thing I don’t give 2.75 shits about spoilers, isn’t it?]

As crazy as it is to imagine, people out there in the world want to go out and see your sequel in the cinema. Out of respect to them, I keep my spoilers clearly marked off after the initial review.

[Jesus, that sounds like some pretentious meta-boy shit. Not only that, but it appears, e-squire, that your most-read article in this “Who Knows, Who Cares” corner of the interweebs managed…hrm…one hundred forty-two hits. I can infer then, that whoever’s grandma is reading this won’t mind a bit when I tell them about how REDACTED was able to REDACTED by REDACTED. Wait, you did not just Metal Gear me!]

Sure did! That’s admin privileges there, bud. It’s like coming down with Thor’s hammer, except…not really because…Thor doesn’t have a hammer anymore after Cate Blanchett blew that shit up. Fuck me. Can I start over?

[If we were doing this on YouTube, I bet the dialogue would be much snappier.]

Wade Wilson, ladies and gentlemen!

[Took your damn time introducing the star of the show.]

So did you, genius!

[Fine. I will concede that the end of the First Act is maybe a wee bit late to run the title sequence. And don’t call me Wade Wilson, please. The movie is not called ‘Wade Wilson: The Re-Up’ it’s called ‘Deadpool Dos,’ thank you.]

We have to pay royalties for using your made-up name, so you’re definitely Wade Wilson. Are you ready to hear what I thought about this dumb-ass movie?

[Talking to them now?]

Talking to them.

[I feel some very intense micro-aggressions coming from this direction, so I’ll let you guys chat for a while.]

Alright, bet. Deadpool 2 is, in every way a sequel movie. More than that, it’s an action sequel. Really, it could have been Rush Hour 2 that was printed on my ticket stub and I wouldn’t have questioned it. Not to say it’s bad, but it is what it is.

I won’t have much recapping to do here, because there isn’t that much to recap. Wade Wilson has been working around the world as the Red Guy With Swords And Guns for two years now and things are generally pretty good for him. Despite his success, though, Wade decides that he wants to die. Why, you may be asking, does a leading man with an uber-profitable franchise at the top of his game want to bite the big one? Easy. Logan did it first.

[Talk about a hack! Fucking guy. He thinks he can steal my thunder by making an old man say “fuck” and dying in the arms of a cute kid? That’s not playing fair!]

Wade wants his tear-jerking scene, too. The more exploitative the better. To get there, he’ll need to start with helping young Russell Collins (Julian Dennison), a teenaged mutant with the ability to conduct and manipulate flame who is being abused by the headmaster (Eddie Marsan) of the Essex Home for Mutant Rehabilitation. Uh… Something you’re trying tell us here, Wade?

[That every one of us is serviceable just the way we are!]

That’s true, but couldn’t you say that without such a transparent analogy?

[A better question: is this the hill you wanna die on after fifty years of the X-Men failing to convince America that racism is bad?]

Good question.

[Speaking of racists, let’s talk about Cable now!]

Well, he isn’t racist but he is a cybernetic soldier from the future. More accurately, a future that has been fucked up to an unimaginable degree and also one where Russell has grown into a flame-throwing megalomaniac who has killed a lot of people, including Cable’s wife and daughter. Overcome by his anger and grief, Cable (Josh Brolin) has travelled back in time to deal with the problem at its source.

[Yeah, by killing a kid! I’ve done a lot of foul shit, I’ll own up to that, but even I wouldn’t murder a kid.]

He wouldn’t and that particular moral quandary is the most interesting wrinkle this movie produces. It’s also, unfortunately, the only interesting wrinkle produced, as the rest of this movie can be chalked up to the Homecoming Effect.

[Homecoming Effect? O-M-Effing-G. My movie was as good as Homecoming?]

No, it was not. But it was at least as entertaining. The Homecoming Effect, for those uninitiated, is when an otherwise average movie with generic plotting and uneven pacing is saved by a combination of excellent performances, above-average dialogue, and a killer third act. Deadpool 2 is funny throughout, therefore I never have to look at the time and wonder why our hero has been trapped in a box for fifteen minutes. What it has instead, is a basic A-F third act, complete with not one but two reconciliation scenes, an eleventh-hour arrival and the aforementioned exploitative death scene. This isn’t a spoiler, by the way, since Wade kills himself in the first five minutes.

[Try and wrap your thinking muscle around that one!]

There’s really no one to blame for this flick’s unevenness. As with most sequels, it feels indicative of what happens when production is hamstrung to cash in on the momentum of a hot property. Getting a movie produced and distributed on even the smallest scale is impossibly difficult on the best days. The first Deadpool was toiling in development for the better part of a decade, then got produced after much buildup and a disastrous turn in an X-Men spinoff movie.

[Fixed that.]

Being given a little over a year to film and release the follow-up to the most-successful R-rated feature film of all time is a little unrealistic, especially when the Studio That Killed Wolverine still won’t pony up the bucks for an X-Men member more famous than Colossus (Stefan Kapičić).

[Where were you when they greenlit this? I’ve literally been working for 400 days straight.]

There are many things to like in Deadpool 2, the performances as noted. Josh Brolin takes an otherwise one-note character and, as could be expected from him, gives it much needed dimension. Similar to what he did in that other comic book movie.

[LOL. He put on a green suit and played a purple alien guy.]

The best outing here, besides that of Wade himself, is from Domino, played by Zazie Beetz.

[Ooh! Was that the alt-chick with the weird birthmark and invisible luck powers?]

It was, and without the proper casting, she would have been yet another hot hacker girl in a universe that has no shortage. Zazie Beets was able to bring her own spin to a character that was only given so much to do and made the most of what time she had on screen. Great energy, inspired delivery, and impressive chemistry with the rest of the cast. Go see this movie to get your first look at a talented performer who will be quite busy in the very near future.

Deadpool 2 is a good movie that should have been a great movie. You can see the brief flashes of that movie peeking out from behind the line of seventeen (?) asshole jokes. It’s hard sometimes to get a grasp of what the tone should be. Deadpool is a character whose very existence takes the piss out of every comic book story ever told. There’s plenty of that here (to the point of several digs at how dark the DC Comics adaptations have been) but it also comes alongside moments that aren’t played for laughs at all and sometimes very dark. Even though we want to, it’s hard at points to empathize with Wade’s continued suffering throughout as it occurs in the middle of abject death and destruction.

Even a surprisingly poignant performance by Eddie Marsan isn’t enough to take his paper-thin character up above a trope that is over-cooked even in the funny pages. That’s what Deadpool is for and that’s fine but Wade is the only one in on the joke. Having the majority of the cast play it straight in a flick that is more or less by-the-numbers feels cheap. The movie itself isn’t cheap, just rushed; at least it feels that way. Hopefully they take their time developing the X-Force standalone and third Deadpool. There are lots of things you can do with this character and the world he lives in. This is evidenced by Deadpool 2 being the first movie since Get Out that made me ask aloud as the credits rolled, “What the fuck did I just see?”

[Hell yeah! Good old-fashioned incredulity! That’s worth three stars at least!]

You’re damn right, and it would have been worth four stars if we had gotten a clip of you updating your LinkedIn page tacked on to the interview montage.

3.5 Stars Out Of 5

[You mark your spoilers with CG Bradley Cooper?]

Yeah, don’t you?

[I don’t mark spoilers at all. There’s no point. Anyone who has an Internet connection is disqualified from bitching about spoilers. Quit browsing Reddit and get some fresh air, Clarence!]

Anyway! Part of what made Deadpool so engaging was Wade’s girlfriend Vanessa (Morena Baccarin). She was, from her introduction, the second-most interesting character in the movie. It was refreshing, also, to see a female character that, even when playing the damsel in distress, never lost hold of her own agency. She was also really funny in her own right. So, imagine my surprise when she gets John Wick’d by the bum-ass gangster Deadpool let get away in the opening sequence.

[Don’t blame me, it was Leitch! All this guy does is kill off the cutest thing on-screen.]

Either way, she was gone for most of the movie and not having someone that can work as a foil for the main character was a bit of a drag.

[Did MIB wipe your memory of half this movie? Cable was there.]

Cable was there, but he was the antagonist for the majority of the runtime. And by the time he did start working with the team, there wasn’t enough movie left to really develop the relationship between you two.

[Ah, but that’s what a Cinematic Universe is for: making up for lack of development by kicking the can down the road. Hellooooooo X-Force: The Movie!]

He’s got me, there. And while I’m thinking of it, good job using Cable’s time disc device to save Peter (Rob Delaney) from your terrible plan. It was maybe the second good thing you did in that movie.

[You know he’s gonna be in Rush Hour 4.]

What about Dopinder (Karan Soni)? He killed the shit out of the pedophile bad guy. Does he get to come on a mission, now?

[Brown Panther gets to drive the car to the mission like always. Peter can hang at the mansion with the other two X-Men and be our Alfred in the Chair. Hey! That was a reference!]

Oh, thanks for reminding me. Look no further than any Deadpool story to see how pop culture references can be done well. Unlike Ready Player One, which literally reads them off to you like Santa would read to a small child.

[Remember kids: if the choice is between writing your movie dumb or condescending, there is no choice.]

That’s actually solid advice. Did you know there are people out there who think the Ready Player One novel is better than the movie?

[Not possible.]

I’ve seen it with my own two portholes. The purists were not pleased.

[You mean to tell me there were grown adults willing to pay fourteen dollars plus tax to watch Baby Driver Jr reenact the entirety of Monty Python and the Holy Grail?]

(This actually happens in the book.)

Fanboys and their money are easily parted.

[A fan of the classics, huh? Would you like to see the draft of Billy Shakespeare I’m adapting for the next movie?]

Maybe later, Wade. I think we’ve reached a good stopping point.

[Yeah sure, but I should at least share the safe word I use with Cable.]

Uh, I don’t think that’s-

[It’s Martha.]

This was a big mistake, and I apologize to everyone.

Take Me To Orc Church | Review - BRIGHT

To be upfront:

Before I knew anything about Bright at all, I thought it was a good idea for Netflix to bankroll the movie. They have in the last 5-to-7 years become the new face of entertainment consumption and have given rise to a whole wave of stream-exclusive services and the products that occupy them. Dipping their toe into the feature film end of the pool could only help and after watching the movie, I still feel that way.

But I did watch the movie. And...well.

It's on Netflix if you want it.


Bright is a movie that features fantasy-inspired creatures living amongst humans in our modern day world. Just like in real life, there is a socioeconomic hierarchy that is very tangible. Elves represent the One Percent: the World Runners and holders of wealth. Humans of all races and creeds exist as a standard middle class. Not prospering but not persecuted, either. Persecution is reserved for the Orcs: a race of creatures that aided the Dark Lord in a massive war over 2,000 years ago - they have been shunned for the deed ever since. Oh, and Fairies seem to be mindless animals. Make of that what you will.

In this movie, we follow one human and one Orc. Officer Daryl Ward (Will Smith) is back on the job at LAPD after suffering critical injuries due to the negligence of his partner, Nick Jakoby (Joel Edgerton), who is the nation's first Orc police officer.

Will Smith is just okay with an affected charisma so glaring, one must wonder if rooting for this protagonist would be done so in irony. Not so for Joel Edgerton, who gives his all under a pile of Orc makeup. He's the only character in the movie that doesn't compromise himself and his struggle is the easiest to empathize with. Thankfully so, as development of any kind gets lost under a shower of bullets and F-bombs.


It becomes clear immediately what message the movie is trying to deliver. The Orcs - FUBU jerseys and all - are whatever marginalized minority group you want to plug in. African-Americans and Latinos especially fit the bill. Ward's fellow human officers ask how he could possibly stand having "that pigface" (yeah, really) in his car. Ward says he can't, but that he's making the most of it as a professional.

It was about at this point that I realized this movie takes place in Gotham City. I know our heroes are in the LAPD and the movie points out any time it can that we're in LA, but... This is Gotham, folks. Nevermind that they spend half the film running the streets in gallons of rain (which doesn't happen that often in Southern California) but it seems that every single cop is corrupt to some varying degree. Officer Ward is confronted, in the same day, by two groups: two Internal Affairs officials who want him to illegally tape Jakoby lying about letting the Orc perp who shot him escape, and four beat cops who want Ward to shoot Jakoby at a crime scene and report it as a crossfire shooting.


The crime scene in question occurs at a safehouse where Ward and Jakoby encounter a magic wand and a Bright: a special magic-user capable of absorbing a wand's power with no buffer. Remember in Harry Potter how a wand was merely an outlet for a user's abilities and were treated with barely enough reverence to avoid being used as butt-scratchers? Well, in this world, they are described (via actual words written down) as "a nuclear weapon that grants wishes."

This means, obviously, that everyone wants it: the Cops, the Orcs, the Elves. Even the Cholos, lead by paraplegic gangster, Poison (Enrique Murciano). So, maybe now is a good time to mention that this is a David Ayer production. It was directed by him as well, so it totally makes sense why this movie features a grown man in a wheelchair uttering the phrase, "I need that magic wand, mang!"


Bright was written by Max Landis but it can't exactly be called a Landis script. He certainly wrote the story, and I give him credit for creating a unique concept and mythology. Adjustments could be made but the foundation is solid. You can see what he was going for and these extreme genre melds have become a staple of his writing. It appears however that Landis turned in his copy to Netflix some time ago, wherein the company handed it to Ayer, who promptly rewrote it to suit his Locker Room Talk needs.

Yet again, it's David Ayer up to his old tricks.

Cops - check.
LA - check.
'The Hood' - check.
Latino Gangsters - check.
Crime & Pestilence - double check.

Also evidenced is Ayer's apparent inability to write a female character of any consequence (Harley Quinn aside.) The two ladies playing Ward's wife and daughter (Dawn Olivieri and Scarlet Spencer, respectively) by all accounts seem to be good actors. You couldn't tell, though, as they get maybe five minutes of screen time before they are ushered off stage left. They could have not been in the movie at all; but work is hard to come by, so hopefully it leads to more for them.

Margaret Cho's Squad Sergeant is also ethically compromised and presents Ward with an interesting moral dilemma. But it's a character that can be played by any gender, and she is also gone after five minutes of screen time.

Then, there's Noomi Rapace: a great character actor who is wasted as the Elf Parkour Assassin, Leilah. She serves a hidden master and speaks in exposition, so any potential menace she holds as a villain disappears almost immediately. She and fellow Elf, Tikka (Lucy Fry) were both reduced to tropes in the same year that Wonder Woman destroyed the Summer Box Office.


It was eye-opening to watch this film with an LA native who paused the streaming service repeatedly to point out the several affluent neighborhoods Ayer tried to pass off as South Central and 'Da Barrio.' Ward, who is drowning in debt, lives in a house that is actually worth close to a quarter of a million dollars.

And from a technical standpoint, what a sloppy effort this is. The editing is haphazard at best and utterly lazy at worst, and the sound mix is bad to the point of distraction. A shotgun blast in one frame is overpowered by a line from Ward two seconds later. If Netflix truly wants to break into the big feature market, they have to give a better effort.


I've seen this movie called the worst of 2017. I can tell you that's not true. To do that, Bright would have to be worse than the two movies tied for that distinction: The Emoji Movie and The Snowman. 2018 will no doubt feature films as bad or worse, but for 2017, beating those films in badness is mathematically impossible.

But this movie isn't good. No getting around that. I don't hate it, because it seems like a waste of energy. I only decided to watch it because I was with a friend and we actively tore the movie apart. At the end, while fulfilled, I had no desire to see any portion of the movie a second time. It honestly seems like a film that the Instagram Generation can watch to feel like it 'made them think.'

After seeing the class war in Blade Runner 2049, this felt like an elementary level comprehension and for some people, that'll work fine. It sets up the universe, presents the mythology and, in terms of garnering interest for a follow-up, it succeeded mostly. Many people will eagerly await the continuing adventures of Ward and Jakoby on the mean streets of LA. But I'm not one of them.

This picture gets one extra star for the uncredited makeup team, who did pretty good.

2 Stars out of 5

Ultralight Beam | Review - Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi

This isn’t going to go how you think.

These were the first words uttered by Luke in the first official trailer for Star Wars Episode VIII. He warned us all and still we chose not to listen. Well, listen to me now:

Like Blade Runner 2049, this is not a movie that can be properly discussed unless it is spoiled all to shit. So, I will do that in time.  As usual, look out for Rocket and Baby Groot – and if you haven’t seen the movie, close this tab once you see them. They’re…a tiny tree man and an alien who looks like a raccoon. Can’t miss ‘em.

First, without spoiling. This movie is a rollercoaster.

From the very beginning when we see ace Rebel pilot Poe Dameron (Oscar Isaac) taking out cannons on a First Order Star Destroyer, it’s clear that the Resistance is in dire straits and severely outgunned. In a desperate struggle to even the odds, Poe leads an attack against one of the enemy’s Destroyers. The operation is successful, but at the cost of their entire bombing fleet. This sets up a deadly game of cat-and-mouse between Supreme Leader Snoke (Andy Serkis) and the last three ships of the Resistance, as they fight to stay out of range of the massive ship’s Auto-Cannons.

Meanwhile, on a lonely island on the Outer Rim we see young Rey [REDACTED], who has located Jedi Master Luke Skywalker to convince him (or not) to return to battle and save the galaxy from unending darkness. And then… the movie starts.

This section will be very quick, seeing as I can’t spoil anything just yet. I liked this movie. I liked it more than The Force Awakens. I had my issues to be sure and I’ll list them in detail. But I can’t really do it without seeming like I’m nitpicking or perhaps didn’t like the film as much as I let on. There’s just a lot to talk about.

Also, I will say no – this is not Empire Redux. There are beats and there are moments, but all of these are what amount to, ‘Hey look, it’s Star Wars!’ moments. They didn’t lift an entire movie from thirty years ago; there is no second Death Star [SPOILER]. What we have instead is the Homecoming Effect.

Homecoming as in Spiderman: Homecoming. A movie that overcame its shortcomings through a combination of great execution and superb acting top to bottom. There was more to like than there wasn’t, and the stuff to like was so good that it very nearly overshadowed the stuff that wasn’t.

Nearly.

I do need to state, however, that this film marks a clear shift in the lore of Star Wars. Longtime fans of the franchise might not recognize what they see on screen. This movie – more than The Force Awakens and Rogue One before it – ushers in a new Star Wars era. However you feel about that might tell how you feel about this movie.

A solid effort that starts good, gets poor, then ends excellent. Worth seeing on the big screen. Make it part of your holiday plans.

4 Stars Out Of 5

Everyone here?

Can we pull over into Spoiler Town? Cool.

There’s another reason I compare The Last Jedi to Homecoming. Both films had Second Acts, both long and convoluted in their nature but were both saved by either a character or a set piece. One such subplot in Star Wars 8 introduces a neat character, but see if you can follow along until then.

The First Order’s fleet has been tracking the Resistance through hyperspace, which is (previously) impossible, but it turns out it’s only being done through one ship. That would be the head ship, housed by Snoke. So, Finn (John Boyega) and his other pilot friend, Rose Tico (Kelly Marie Tran), decide that the only way to escape is to disable the tracker from the inside, which they could do – if only they could sneak past the hourly encryption. One Skype call with Maz Kanata (Lupita Nyong’o), and they make a trek to a gathering of the rottenest scoundrels in the galaxy.

Not that one

A casino is where this trip takes them to find a master hacker with a flower lapel, who can sneak them past Snoke’s defenses, and give the Resistance enough time to warp unseen, but not before they run out of fuel, or else they’re screwed.

To put it nicely, this subplot is superfluous at best and a waste of film at worst. And it’s rendered null-and-void by the third act because A) They get caught and Dos) Half the Rebel Fleet gets blown up during the escape. What saved this middle portion for me was a combination of a very unique chase sequence featuring odd new horse-like creatures and Benicio Del Toro on my screen. An actor you can always expect a solid effort from, and he gives one here as DJ, the master hacker whom Rose and Finn meet on a whim in the brig after being arrested for illegal parking (lol). He teaches Finn a valuable lesson about the nature of War and shades of grey. It’s something that could’ve been expanded, if only our antagonist wasn’t so torn on which side he was on.

Oh. That’s right. Did I forget to mention?

Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) murders Supreme Leader Snoke. Not only does he murder him – he Darth Maul’s him. Straight cuts your boy in half. How’s that for a spoiler? Rather than kill Rey and complete his Sith training, he kills his Supreme Leader and disregards both sides of the war, leading to perhaps the best lightsaber fight sequence in Star Wars history, with Kylo and Rey engaging Snoke’s elite guard. It’s a massive swerve, and one that leaves a lot of questions. What does Ben want? Was it really just to turn Rey? She gave little indication of doing so, even during their telepathic bonding exercises. Does he really want to rule the galaxy?

And let’s not forget Rey. So much of her journey has been focused on her lineage, as in who are her parents, where does she come from? The fact is, she really doesn’t come from anywhere. Similar to Blade Runner 2049 where Officer K believes he is a special hybrid, only to be informed that he’s just another Replicant wrapped up in a story not his own. Rey’s parents (to borrow a phrase from Leia) were a couple of nerf-herding scavengers who sold their only daughter for drinking water. They are dead and buried in a pauper’s grave. No one to know; no one to care. The lesson here is the same as Blade Runner, of course. Your actions are what make you important, not your origins. How she became so powerful in the Force doesn’t really matter. It’s her will to do the right thing for her friends and Daisy Ridley sells that. But that’s not the only performance worth noting.

This wasn’t just Mark Hamill’s best performance as Luke Skywalker – this was his best performance period. It's an outing worthy of the legend. So much of this film’s emotional weight fell on him and he delivered far past what could have been expected for the eighth sequential Star Wars movie. His job, mostly, as an aging Jedi who has closed himself off from the force, is to convey great conflict without words. He does this with his facial expression and body language and lets us peer into the soul of a character who has suffered alone and in silence for three decades. His character arc and its resolution are very satisfying and one of the things that keeps this movie from being average for me.

There are many things in this movie that confound me. The rebels’ escape plan (or lack thereof); General Leia’s resuscitation from the vacuum of outer space that even ‘miraculous’ couldn’t properly describe; the abandoned salt planet that upper command decided would be where the Resistance regrouped.

Make no mistake: Commander Poe was a bit of a dick throughout this movie, to the point of being demoted even. But did no one think to inform him or anyone else about the plan to flee to the conveniently placed Rebel Base? You can say that was the plan all along, and I can say it’s bogus. One of the biggest no-no’s in storytelling is adding new information, and that’s exactly what this is. At no point was it referenced that an uncharted world was waiting for them. One extra line of exposition and this criticism wouldn’t be needed. As it stands, words must be had.

The extra drama isn’t necessary. They’re already running for their lives. No extra tension is needed inside the ship. We certainly don’t need a mutiny. Imagine a Second Act built entirely around the chase. The plan from the jump is to make it to the salt planet (and you still do your hacker subplot to get Finn back on Snoke’s ship to face down Phasma) and the crew sits helpless as they burn fuel knowing this is their only chance to survive. They flee the cruiser in transport ships and set the stage for the final conflict.

The Last Jedi can be broken up into four segments: the beginning battle and Rey’s first days with Luke; the scheme at the casino; Snoke’s death and the fall of his Destroyer; and the final battle on the barren planet.

I’ll say it again. The middle portion of this movie will seem tough to get through at times. But if you do make it through you will be handsomely rewarded. Believe me when I say that the final forty minutes of The Last Jedi is the best Star Wars film I’ve ever seen. Pure, Grade-A, 100% genuine Star Wars action. It cannot be missed and is worth the price of admission.

I believe that when critiquing a movie, one should always look at everything it has to offer. Take note of its shortcomings, don’t overlook them, but be willing to give credit to a film that gets its story back on track. That’s just what Episode VIII did and it’s better for it. The sum of its parts are better than its missing pieces. Even though there are several of them.

The things that stick with you best from any media are what you see first and last. Starting with an epic battle and ending with an all-time iconic moment are what will take this installment in the Star Wars franchise from a passerby to a mainstay.

Was It Real, Tho? | [Spoiler] Review - Blade Runner 2049

Several years ago, I pen palled with a woman from Chicago. She’s very bright and we had many a conversation about a wide range of things. She moved and we lost touch but I can only imagine her rolling her eyes at the fact of me seeing this movie three times. She might even be right to do so, but I unapologetically love this movie.

In-between those viewings, I have read other pieces that have given me new things to think about – things that warranted a revisit to the id-driven cyberpunk futurescape of California in the year 2049, where the richest of society is living in space colonies off-world, leaving everyone else to scrape by a meager living on an overpopulated, environmentally toxic Planet Earth.

It took me awhile to figure how to tackle it. Even myself and Lunchbox together had trouble. It's a massive, dense story. There’s gender politics and class politics and, quite frankly, a really confusing hierarchy in a place where the precipitation is toxic. Would we really discriminate against the only beings fit to work in those conditions? Think back on the year 2017 and use your imagination.

It’s 30 years after the first adventure and Replicants (bioengineered synthetic humans), for a time, had been banned. Tyrell Corp, the original manufacturer is seen in the movie as a blackened husk of inactivity. Not repurposed or demolished, it is an unspoken rule to never approach the building, or its memory, for any reason.

That means you, Simba.

Officer KD6 – 3.7 (Ryan Gosling) is a new model of Replicant completely subservient to his human masters. He works for the LAPD as a Blade Runner tracking down older model Nexus 6 Replicants that went AWOL after the blackout. He is forced to confront Tyrell’s legacy head-on when his search for Sapper Morton (Dave Bautista) unearths a secret decades-buried that will challenge the nature of Replicants everywhere as well as the dynamic with the humans they serve.

Tyrell’s tomb is now in the shadow of a building belonging to Niander Wallace (Jared Leto), an industrialist whom one could imagine was the original trajectory for Tony Stark had he not gotten the shrapnel in his chest. Wallace has solved the food crisis and seemingly averted humanity’s collapse on Earth. He decides, though, that only Replicants, who consume a fraction of the resources, can continue living on a planet so depleted.

Without saying too much before the spoiler section, this is what I like to call a Grown Ass Movie. It’s over two-and-a-half hours long and while it’s running it commands your attention. It bombards you with its themes and motifs, of which there are many. After my first viewing of this film, all I could really do was exhale. And then proceed to take the long way home from the cinema.

This is both a strength and a setback. Cinephiles like myself will have no problem letting themselves be immersed in a world this visually dark and beautiful and engrossing. That doesn’t change the fact that the film feels bloated - the first act especially so. Most viewers will be wondering throughout the first hour, what the story even is or, at the least, when it will pick up. That doesn’t make it a bad movie, but it doesn’t make it a perfect one, either.

At least a half point must be docked for the failing of the Bechdel Test: quite a feat for a movie with so many prominent female characters including Joi (Ana de Armas) K’s holographic girlfriend (in the vein of Spike Jonze’s Her) and Lt. Joshi (Robin Wright) his cut-the-crap supervisor on the force. These performances were the most complex and measured of the film, including Luv (Sylvia Hoeks), the Replicant serving as personal assistant to Wallace on all matters.

It's been so long since I’ve been able to sit down and just watch a movie. What we have here isn’t the action-driven blockbuster you perhaps have been sold. I can hardly even call it a thriller. It’s a true film noir – a detective story through and through. Officer K does actual foot work. None of the flashy procedural stuff you see on your mom’s favorite CBS crime drama. He follows his leads to various unassuming locations, interviewing people and collecting data and finding clues along the way.

This is also the most practical film I’ve seen for its scale in ages. All of the tracking shots here are handled with miniature models, as well as massive soccer-field-sized set pieces to lend to the world’s weight and density. The legendary Roger Deakins has shot another visual masterpiece and when the movie hits home markets, I hope people discover a new level of wonder for each practical effect that they were sure was Computer Generated.

I thought for a long time about the world presented in 2049 and the trajectory of our own world. Given the rate of human birth and the effects of global climate change, it’s plausible to imagine a near future where we too will have insects, not cattle, as our primary source of protein. The resource crisis is real, and it’s right now.

As for the movie, I see one constant in which our world mirrors the cyberpunk noir fantasy presented by director Denis Villnueve: the stark lack of nuance.

With every review I’ve read, the reaction can be summed up with the phrase, “Blade Runner 2049 is the best movie of the year, but-” For the sake of keeping with the director’s wishes and not spoiling the whole story, this is the correct reaction to have. It’s the B-U-T, though, that spoils any review that could be written.

Film critic Emily Yoshida wrote an excellent piece for the Vulture website where she questioned, simply, why all sci-fi epics are seemingly obsessed with depicting giant scantily-clad women. It’s a good question, and one I wouldn’t have considered before reading it. Based upon the comments on the article, you would think she attacked every reader personally for liking this movie, even though she clearly didn’t (and also liked the movie!)

For years, in all walks of life, we have been playing a zero-sum game. There is no middle ground, no gray area. You must love my position unconditionally. If you don’t, it means you love the other one and I hate you. None of these people could ever tell you why that’s true, and it’s that same dynamic that leads to Humans hating Replicants – their own creations. You can heap whatever praise you want on whatever work, but as soon as that B-U-T comes up, an alarm sounds and every word after – spoken or written – is utterly ignored.

It goes without saying, but real life doesn’t work like this. For movies like Blade Runner and its sequel, that duality makes for compelling character work and drama. For things like public discourse and government bodies, it’s perhaps the worst thing that can happen.

Honestly, It’s tough to even criticize this movie without spoiling it – which I will do. For the moment, know that whatever criticisms I have should not stop you from seeing this film. It’s worth the time spent. Nevermind that it’s the sequel of a movie that really didn’t need one. It’s a movie that I’m glad got made, and one I’ll enjoy for years on.

4.5 Stars out of 5

So, perhaps you’re wondering why I’ve waited until now to mention Harrison Ford. Well, while his presence alone isn’t a spoiler, his reason for being present definitely is. As the story goes: after Rachael and Deckard vanished 30 years ago, they, by some miracle, conceived a child which Rachael died giving birth to. Finding that child is the main conflict of the film but you shouldn’t expect too much of Deckard, who doesn’t appear until the third act.

While you could divvy up this movie into the traditional Three Act format (the first hour, the second hour and the last 40 minutes) I prefer to view it in Four Acts. Number One is the presentation of the mystery and The Question. Number Two sees Officer K begin his investigation and his search for the Replicant child. Number Three is where K (seemingly) solves the mystery and tracks down Deckard, who is in hiding. Number Four is the final conflict, where K sheds his android nature and asserts himself to be his own person.

The biggest swerve of this movie comes in two parts, separated by a large amount of time. It begins in an abandoned factory in San Diego where K finds a small toy horse that an implanted memory would lead him to believe is his own. He visits Dr. Ana Stelline, a maker of implants, to see just what separates a real memory from a fake one. She confirms, yes, his memory of protecting his toy horse is very real – but it’s not his own.

The most elusive fact is often the most obvious, as it were. In a very Nolan-esque twist, it was a little girl we see running through the factory, fighting for the only piece of humanity she has left. A toy made out of real wood which, like most organics (sans the bees K discovers in Las Vegas) is all but extinct. It’s suggested that Ana herself gave K the memory as she views it and begins to cry. She recognizes that Officer K is having a massive existential crisis and it’s likely because of the decision she made. Her intention was to give a Replicant an authentic memory to look back fondly upon whenever their present life became too bleak. But as usual in Blade Runner’s world, even acts of kindness are harshly punished.

It’s after this we see K escape Los Angeles (with Joi in tow) and track down Rick Deckard in a fallout-ridden Las Vegas. In one of the most gorgeous set pieces of the film, everything is tinged with a burnt auburn orange and covered in a heavy layer of dust, showcasing years of abandonment.

[When you’re not performing your duties, do they put you in a little box? CELLS]

Sitting down at a bar, Deckard asks K his name and he answers with the name Joi gave him: Joe. It’s one of many “show, don’t tell” moments, in this case, about the development of a character who, a couple days earlier, believed himself to be little more than a weapon for the LAPD. When Luv arrives to capture Deckard and crush Joi’s emanator, thus destroying her AI, we see the fight leave K’s eyes as he’s left to die on the floor of Deckard’s postmortem casino penthouse.

[What’s it like to hold the hand of someone you love? INTERLINKED]

He is rescued by a group of rogue replicants and, in a scene that feels like it was filmed after the fact, is told of a coming rebellion – Humans v Replicants. He’s also told that Rachael gave birth to a girl and the swerve from the end of “Act 2” comes back ‘round to blindside both Joe and the audience. It’s a gut-punch, and well-performed, but I still could have done without the extra scene. It’s all a bit superfluous. Just seeing K picked up by the vagrants and then cutting to him on the rainy balcony would have been fine.

[Do you long for having your heart interlinked? INTERLINKED]

The first time we see K and Joi in the rain, he has bought her an emanator, which allows her to integrate her image outside of the projection system installed in his home. He tells her she can go wherever she wants, and she chooses to go outside. They share a touching and tender moment that is cut short by a call from Lt. Joshi – a reminder that our hero was about to make out with an answering machine. The second time we see them in the rain, Joe is alone and is solicited by a large, pink nude version of his Joi model. It’s an advertisement and is almost cartoonish in its sexuality. K’s own Joi model never approached him in such a way; he looks confused before the advertisement points at him and says, “You look like a good Joe.”

[Do you feel that there’s a part of you that’s missing? INTERLINKED]

With renewed vigor, K commandeers a spinner and flies to the metal shores of Southern California to keep Deckard from being shipped off-world. He kills everyone (including Luv) during the rescue. Once again, we see how important pacing is. K avoids violence through much of this movie, despite being very powerful himself. That way, when it’s time for him to get physical (breaking a landfill scavenger in half over his knee) it explodes off the screen.

Freysa - a military-issue black ops Replicant - and Luv both had specific plans for Rick Deckard. Freysa wants him dead to reduce the risk of Wallace discovering her whereabouts. Luv wants him for the sake of her boss, believing he will unlock the secret to Replicant reproduction – the minority becomes the majority. K disregards both, instead choosing Option C: Save Deckard and get him to his daughter, whom he has never met.

[What’s it like to hold your child in your arms? INTERLINKED]

K suffers critical injuries in his battle with Luv. Once he’s flown Deckard to Stelline Laboratories, K does something that would no doubt have Roy Batty himself weeping at the Universe’s cruel indifference. To call him ‘Officer’ K would presume he had an occupation. What he had, really, was an operation. Replicants are bioengineered slaves. K then is a stray dog with no master and has next to no chance of passing his PTSD Public Safety Exam that separates the good androids from the ‘retired’ ones.

As hard as it is to top the “Tears in Rain” monologue that closed the original, 2049 comes damn close as K eases himself down onto the steps and waits for his end. It’s an iconic scene: here we have a character we’ve followed and seen get used and abused for the better part of 3 hours. He fights tooth and nail for even a single scrap of agency and when he finally gets it, he uses it to save someone else and then die alone.

[A blood black nothingness began to spin.]

Backtracking now:

After my second viewing I decided that we got exactly enough of Jared Leto as Niander Wallace. He gives a measured, methodical and often deeply unsettling performance. He is a human who ironically lacks the empathy of K, a Replicant, and makes no qualms of killing off his own creations if they fail to meet his standards. His motivations seem to be a mix between big business exceptionalism and an incorrigible God Complex.

But what about Luv?

This character is made complex enough, but not truly fleshed out. It’s made clear she wants nothing more than to please Wallace (who more than once calls her the best of his ‘Angels’) and even K notes that she was special enough to receive a name, as opposed to a serial number. At the same time, it’s impossible not to notice the fear she has of Wallace. She is jumpy and cagey around him – constantly on defense. These are classic warning signs of someone who has been abused repeatedly. She may be special, but she’s still a Replicant.

In one of the short films produced by Warner Bros. to fill in the gap between the two movies, Wallace orders one of his Replicants to kill themselves in front of a group of investors as proof of their subservience. Wallace’s Nexus 9 models are far more powerful, but also far more controlled. It’s Gaslighting: The Movie. How else to explain Luv being so fearful of a smaller, weaker blind man? Their slavery is encoded into their DNA. To the point where K can’t even look his human co-workers in the eye.

Does Luv truly want a grand future where Tyrell’s vision of a being “More Human Than Humans” comes to pass? If so, how does she reconcile the fact that Niander Wallace would be controlling that future? Are the fates of Luv and K truly preordained, or is there a reality where they wonder aloud if they should even be fighting each other?

A few moments more devoted to the above queries would have elevated a great movie into a perfect one.

[Is there security in being part of the system? SYSTEM]

When K shows hesitance in retiring something that was born, (“To be born is to have a soul, I guess.”) Lt. Joshi reassures(?) him, saying he’s been getting on fine without a soul. This is the first and most important question of the Id-driven Blade Runner universe. Is K fine without a soul? What even is a soul? When do we have one? Can it be gained? Can it be lost?

Joe’s choice to save Deckard was in some ways, an odd one. The whole point of finding the child in the first place is to avoid a massive conflict. The Humans and Replicants are separated by an imaginary wall – one Class above another. With the knowledge that Nexus 6 models can perhaps reproduce, there is no Wall. No more Slave and Master dynamic. Even understanding this possibility – even with all the abuse he’s suffered – Joe forgoes this and helps Deckard fake his death, so that the man can hold his daughter and Ana can get a proper birthday party.

It’s a sentimental, selfish decision that disregards the dreams of his entire race, but it’s human and it’s his. Our actions outlive us all and our memories are kept alive through the affect that we have on people. It’s why Roy Batty saved Rick Deckard in 2019 and it’s why Joe did the same in 2049.

The need to leave a legacy is the most human thing there is.

And so, the Blade Runner thesis can be summed up in this single interaction Joe has in Vegas with Deckard and his dog.

“Is it real?”

“I don’t know. Ask him.”

[WITHIN CELLS INTERLINKED WITHIN CELLS INTERLINKED WITHIN CELLS INTERLINKED]

Mary Poppins, Y'all | Review - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

I feel like we should talk about director James Gunn’s fascination with Howard the Duck. Another Guardians film; another cameo. Is a remake coming? Will he be directing it? Or is this just one of several memes to be associated with future appearances of The Space Avengers.

The biggest meme in regard to The Guardians of the Galaxy – even Volume 2 – is that, for lack of a better term, they just do shit. The Avengers managed to save New York and by extension the World, only after screwing it up the first go-round. The Guardians saved the Galaxy on their first try, but mainly for their own benefit.

A few years ago, they were a bunch of jackasses standing in a circle. As the movie begins, we see them as a bunch of rich jackasses standing in a circle; prepared to defend the Sovereign space colony from a giant monster that wants to feed on their power source. Rocket is not a giant space worm, but he is a scoundrel and also shows interest in the Sovereign's batteries.

The ensuing chase and space battle leaves the team stranded on a distant planet where they meet Kurt Kenobi Russell, Peter Quill’s long-lost dad who left his only son in the care of space pirates as the boy’s mother slowly succumbed to a brain tumor.

The rest of the movie only vaguely resembles the Super Space Road Trip that the first movie did (subsidiary plot line notwithstanding). No, Vol. 2 in the Adventures of Star-Lord and Pals is all about family and the lengths we are willing to go for them.

Is this different? Yes.

Is this good? Also yes.

It’s a bit more of an introspection, this flick. As a sequel, it definitely feels like one. It’s bigger and it’s longer, but its themes are largely its own. Peter and his dad have catching up to do. Gamora and her sister Nebula have a score to settle. Rocket has his own issues and Captain Yondu is reeling from a mutiny on his own ship.

Whether or not you can get through that might decide what you think of this movie, because once we get to the action, dammit, it’s time for action.

Now, some notes from my screening.

Full disclosure: I am from Missouri. It’s where I saw this movie, and so when the first shot of the movie is of young, CG Kurt Russell driving through what the movie has titled as “Missouri” 1980, the theater promptly loses their minds. I had to look over to my friend in question. What exactly were we cheering for?

The crowd was active the entire night, just like when I saw the first Guardians. The movie was funny and they responded throughout. Midnight Movie Madness takes a bit to recover from, especially when I decide to write directly after, but it’s always a treat with films like this.

The soundtrack, once again is great to listen to and Big Dave Bautista continues to be a revelation as Drax the Destroyer. Having watched him for a decade as a pro wrestler, I can safely say that this is my favorite version of him. After his run with Marvel is through, I hope we haven’t seen the last of him on screen.

I’ll get into a brief spoiler discussion after the jump below (beware!) but I had fun with this one. It’s not as good objectively as the first movie – it’s cartoonish to the point of absurdity and some of the performers really seem to ham it up with that in mind – but it’s not without its own merits. If your selling point for the original was the characters and the humor, you’ll love this, because you’ll get to spend a lot more time with the Guardians: the jackasses who get to save the Galaxy twice.

3.5 Stars out of 5

So, Star-Lord’s dad Ego (a bit on the nose, huh, folks?) is revealed to be a celestial being of unimaginable power. He tells Peter he is immortal and has been alive for eons, quite literally spreading his seed amongst the stars.

Right away you know something is off. Never mind he calls himself Ego. He is depicted in the movie, as I said earlier, by the veteran Kurt Russell – grey beard and all. But if he’s immortal, why come to Peter in the shape of an old man? Wonder Woman is immortal, too, but she never ages more than her prime years.

Sure enough. Ego’s plan is akin to dimensional genocide. He looks to spread his “light” throughout the cosmos, at the cost of countless lives. However, he makes the same mistake General Zod did in Man of Steel when he was convincing Kal-El to let him destroy humanity.

Ego, terrible pitch man that he is, reveals he was the one who put the tumor in Peter’s mom. Peter responds by breaking himself out of the trance and promptly shooting Ego to pieces. This hit home, as I have also only seen my dad three times; the last of which involved him being a giant asshole to my mom for no discernable reason. Star-Lord had the appropriate response. I can tell you I’m a better person now because he did not live with us.

Also, sit tight after the credits roll. There are a number of stingers in this one. Most of them are just funny slice-of-life gag reels but there is one that has significant bearings on the future of the MCU. I had to do some research myself, and just happened to find an article that puts things into perspective from a comics standpoint. 2018, here we come!